What Matters In The End

She stood there, on the other side of the road, watching him. Her eyes had a blank stare, a haunting gaze that could petrify.  "That is what matters in the end", he whispered to himself. He looked at her full of anger and sadness. Lost in his thoughts with his eyes fixed on her. He couldn't look anything but her. Small drops of water coming down on their heads. It was like heaven wanted them to cool down and relax so they could see their self destruction. A fatal attraction that was never going to be good for anyone. That's what she thought about them. A heaven sent gift was the verdict for the opossite side. A blank page that never existed and the most wonderful yet short memories combined together. In his fist he carried the dream he had for both of them. However, her fists were open for the rain to wash away. He wanted her to know that she could grant her wishes. Fight for her. No matter how far away he was or how difficult the goal may be. He wanted her to know that but the wind was too loud for her to hear his whisper.

The rain blurred his vision more and more but he didn't want to open his fists. "As time has passed little by little, I have come to realize that nothing of what I'm seeing is real. At least I think so." He stated nervously. His vision blurred even more, at the point where he couldn't see her face anymore. He wanted to see her past-her now and future to come. He wanted to be there to protect her. Mostly, to protect her from herself. To stop the crying and self loathing. To stop the pain and her guilt. To hold her once again in his arms and captivate her with his words. That's all he ever had. Words to fend the pain away and heal her wounds but deep inside him he knew- words are never enough. Nothing is good enough but all he could do is try and try again until the words reach her ears through the dreadful wind that was blowing. He could see his world twisting and twisting without an end in sight. A fade laughter could be heard from the other side as the rain kept  falling on him, making him weak.

He opened his fists to wipe away the rain from his eyes and there was nothing on the other side. All this time it was just him and his dream that just let go thus wiping away the weakness he had, waging war with himself once again. It was always him, just him and nobody else. A mirror with two sides. One blinded by a noble cause and a second one full of savage instincts and nightmares. A hellish symphony shifting from major to minor cords.

"Τhat's the only thing that matters in the end." He said once again.

"Nothing matters in the end."

Τhe Curse He Always Wanted

Life can sometimes be beautfiul. On the other hand there are times that life can be extremely cruel. For years he tried to avoid a certain question that was hautning his mind for years. Yet, no matter how fast he ran the question seemed always able to catch up. This awful question, chasing him for years and years. His stamina giving up on him rapidly. He thought he was at the at the final straight of the race. He thought he was going to win it. In the last few meters he realised that there is no avoiding it, no winning. A false hope created by his own mind to keep him sane all this time. The good thing about hope is that it makes you a better version of your self. The bad thing about it is that when hope fades you have nothing to grab as you are falling into a pit of self despair. Slowly but steadily this despair was coming his way.

He could see the darkness closing in, ever increasing in speed. He was torn between acceptance and denial of that darkness. He was there once, what could go wrong? However, how easy would it be to adapt in his own loneliness again? Ιs this actually the way it is going to end? He thought to himself. One question after another bombarding his mentality. Is this thing how supposed to end? Does he really deserve no love at all after all? Τhe fact that he was not going to win the race was the answer. The confirmation of his question and the end of his torment. Αt least there is a silver lining- he said and a small grin was created on his face. Ηis pace decreased as he looked above his shoulder, ready and bracing for impact. No seatbelt needed! He shouted as the shadows creeped closer. His arms opened and the grin became bigger. He was ready and he knew it. He understood at last that this was his true self. His true nature and there was no way around it. No escape, no race, no way out. This was his destiny, what he was meant to be. As dark as his worst nightmares and as cruel as life itself. Hell reincarnated and more devious than ever. It's not like he was ever given a choice. Only the illusion of it. A fade voice could be heard inside the shadows calling him out. "What did you actually think it was gonna happen"? Said the voice in an ironic tone. He didn't dignify it with an answer. Instead he stared right into the abyss full of confidence ready to accept whatever that darkness held inside all this years that was suppressed. He gave up so much along the way. Lost so many things and feelings. It was time for him to gain something back even though that something coulb be the worst thing until now. Ηis old gift and his favorite curse all in one. The curse he relentlessly tried to get rid of through sleepless nights and tons of alcohol. The curse that loved him obsesively all this time and never let him go throughout his  life. Hope on the other hand always let him down. Leaving the moments it needed it the most. Leavin him hanging by a thread, in fear for his life and what he will become in the future.

The darkness was always there. Always reliable. The darkness was the one who took him home. Gave him a refuge and let him heal, become stronger and smarter. Like a crazy girlfriend always watching in the backgroung waiting for the right time to come and play her cards the right way. SHE was there when his hands were shaking from the fear of loss. SHE was there when he lost everything and gave him something to fill the void. He gave him more void as there is no void to fill if you do not feel anything. SHE raised him from a small wolf to a lone black one. In need of no one else but himself. Even when he rejected her she was still there for him. Watching closely every move he took. SHE was the ugly truth about the world he never accepted to see. In his defence everyone would prefer to blind themselves from that kind of uglyness. He couldn't stand it. So much pain around him and inside his soul. He wasn't able to handle all these negative feelings SHE gave him but SHE gave these feelings for a reason. So he could see that whatever happens, he would always going to be alone. No matter how good things would go, everything will be set to crumble in pieces at some point and he would always go back right where he began- being alone.

As the shadows drew closer and he felt HER touch, he smiled even more. "Feelings are like a wine bottle", he whispered. "When you open it, it may be the best wine you have ever had but when you let it open it loses taste. The feelings disappear in thin air and then there is nothing but an empty bottle to keep you company". Τhe darkness engulfed him even more and voices of despair and loneliness could be heard inside the endless void of it. Life may be cruel sometimes but it is time to show life how cruel his obedient little puppet can get, he said as he faded into the black.