Happy New Year and Many Thanks..

Happy New Year everyone.. May this year bring all of u all things good.. may it be a prosperous year filled with good health, joy, success, and lots of love.. may 2016 bring u everything 2015 took away from you and more.. may the only tears you shed be those of happiness..
May you always be surrounded with the people you love and love you.. may success come your way..
May you my dear friend find this to be a year of New beginnings, new job opportunities.. may you find love.. deep true and pure love.. may you be safe, for I could never live in a world you don't exist in.. may you always remember how thankful I am for the years of true friendship and wonderful moments you have given me.. for in all the darkness that has surrounded me throughout these years..you have been my Sun.. through all the hardships you were my rock.. through all the tears you were my shoulder to cry on.. you put up with more than anyone should have to.. and you have never complained.. you my dear friend have been my guardian Angel..you're friendship is a gift and a blessing.. I hope in the years to come I repay the favour..
And you.. my dark and twisted pal.. though I may not know you long.. I have gained a new friend.. and no matter how far away you are.. I have gotten to spend many joyful times with you.. you have given me many hours of crazy conversations and many of serious ones.. you're witty responses and black humour always make me laugh.. you have been there for me.. comforted me.. shared your concerns with me and mine with you.. you are a bright spot despite our darkness in my life.. I look forward to our crazy moments as students together..
My special new friend.. you too came unexpectedly and brought a smile to my lips at a time in my life smiles were long lost.. you and your crazy crazy ways.. so spontaneous, so real.. you gave me memories and moments I shall never forget.. I will never forget your friendship.. I hope you never do too..
Dear sister.. what can I say.. 20 years together.. my friend my saviour.. so different we are.. but nevertheless you have never judged me for all the stupid things I have done.. you have loved me selflessly despite my many flaws.. forgiven my angry remarks.. you have always been by my side no matter how many miles separate us.. you are my light.. I will always thank the universe above for giving me a sister like you.. I could have asked for no one better.. you are the smartest and most talented person I know.. may you always be the wonderful person you are.. I shall never leave your side.. I love you more dearly than I love myself..
My dearest parents.. I cannot thank you enough.. you have raised us with such love.. you have gone without so many times for us to have everything we need.. you have given us life.. stuck by our sides no matter what we have chosen.. you let us learn from our mistakes and never have you judged our choices.. you are a blessing.. I am proud to call you my parents.. everyday that goes by.. I try to make you proud..
A best friend, a big brother.. you came to my life as a foe but ended up my best friend.. you were always the protective older brother I never had... you always had my back.. and I know that in years to come you still will.. thank you!
My sweet fallen Angel.. you are no longer in my life.. but you are on my mind.. always on my mind.. my dearest love.. I wish you all the best.. may your life always be filled with joy.. may you always smile that boyish smile of yours.. may your eyes always twinkle like stars.. my you find inspiration  in all of your hardships to keep on making your beautiful music.. may you always believe in yourself and your talent.. and may all of your craziest dreams come true.. only success may come your way.. and love.. may you find a love worthy of you.. thank you.. for letting me love you.. thank you for loving me.. for giving so many memories which I will cherish for ever.. for giving me hope.. you gave me hope my love.. having known you was a gift I will always keep in my heart.. we may never meet again but I am always by your side.. you are always in my heart.. and in years to come I will continue loving you with every one of my broken pieces.. from the bottom of my heart I hope you get everything you wish for.. I only want you to be happy..
And to all the rest of you who came into my life this year or have been there for years.. so many thanks.. you were either another blessing or another lesson..
May 2016 only come with good moments.. have fun y'all..

2015 + 1 Memories

Αναμνήσεις...Αχ, αυτές οι αναμνήσεις. Φαντάσματα  μιάς παλιάς εποχής, ενός άλλου εαυτού. Στοιχειώνουν τις μικρές, άδεις γωνίες του τεράστιου μυαλού μας. Ψευγάδια και απομεινάρια νεκρών σχέσεων, ναυαγισμένων καταστάσεων και καμένων ιστοριών. Στάχτες και μόνο στάχτες. Παρόλα αυτά, πάντα βρίσκουν έναν τρόπο να λαμπαδιάσουν ξανά και πριν καταλάβεις τι έγινε, έχουν πιάσει φωτιά και σε βασανίζουν χωρις λόγο. 'Ασκοπες νύχτες χωρις ξημέρωμα, δίχως ύπνο, με μαύρα για να μην πώ κόκκινα μάτια απο το άπειρο κλάμα, κόμποι στον λαιμό και άδεια μπουκάλια με κρασί (ή οτι προτιμά ο καθένας). Ψυχοφθόρες σκέψεις ατελείωτες σαν δράμα που παίζει επαναλαμβανόμενα και παρόλο που κάθε φορά που το βλέπεις κάτι μέσα σου πεθαίνει, εσύ συνεχίζεις και το παρακολουθείς, ελπίζοντας οτι το αποτέλεσμα θα αλλάξει στο τέλος, ελπίζεις οτι θα υπάρξει happy ending τελικά. Βασικά διορθώνω, δεν ελπίζεις, το χρειάζεσαι. Το χρειάζεσαι όσο τίποτα στον κόσμο. Ξέρουμε όμως πως δεν έχει καλό τέλος, άλλωστε τα φαντάσματα είναι νεκρά, τα καράβια βυθίστηκαν και όλοι γνωρίζουν τι έγινε με τον τιτανικό στο τέλος. Αγάπες που σβήσαν σαν άστρα, και όνειρα που χάθηκαν στην παλλοίρια σαν κάστρα απο άμμο. Χειμωνιάτικες πίκρες και Αυγουστιάτικοι έρωτες που τελείωσαν άδοξα. Φωτογραφίες σε συρτάρια γεμάτα σκόνη και άλλες σκισμένες στο πάτωμα δίπλα απο τα άδεια μπουκάλια και η ταινία να παίζει σε repeat με εσένα στην άλλη άκρη να χαμογελάς με κενά μάτια γιατί βαθιά μέσα σου ξέρεις το τέλος.

 Οι ιστορίες τελείωσαν όμως, κλείσε την τηλεόραση, σταμάτα να βλέπεις αυτή την χαζοταινία. Σπάστη στα δύο, φώναξε αμα γουστάρεις, πάτα κάτω την κασέτα μέχρι να γίνει χίλια κομμάτια.
Βλέπεις...ο έρωτας γερνά και οι στάχτες όσο φωτεινές και αν φαίνονται πριν σβήσουν, μια ζωή στάχτες θα παραμείνουν. Ρίξε λίγο χώμα πάνω τους για να μην ξανά ανάψουν, σκούπισε τα μαλλιά σου που έγιναν άσπρα απο όλα αυτά, φύγε και μην κοιτάξεις πίσω. Τα κεφάλαια υπάρχουν για να κλείνουν, τα βιβλία τελειώνουν και οι ιστορίες δεν είναι όλες όμορφες. Κάποιες είναι μακάβριες, άλλες είναι σκέτη άβυσσος. Μελωδίες που ξεχάστηκαν στα βάθη του χρόνου, σπασμένα βυνίλια και χαλασμένες βελόνες. Σήκωσε τις σχισμένες φωτογραφίες απο κάτω και κόλλησε καλά τα κομμάτια. Βάλτα δίπλα απο τον καθρέφτη και παρατήρησε καλά. Παρατήρησε πόσο διαφορετικός σαν άνθρωπος είναι το είδωλο σου απο αυτό στις φωτογραφίες. Μπορεί να είναι λίγο πιο σπασμένο, μπορεί να είναι γεμάτο ουλές αλλά παρατήρησε καλύτερα. Κοίτα αυτά τα μάτια που υποτίθεται πως είναι κενά. Δεν είναι κενά στην πραγματικότητα, απλά άλλαξαν. Αυτό κάνουν οι εμπειρίες, αλλάζουν. Δεν είναι κενά, είναι γεμάτα. Ολόκληρα. Ας το πούμε...Δύναμη. Τίποτα παραπάνω, τίποτα λιγότερο. Δεν σταμάτησες να ψάχνεις το άλλο σου μισό επειδή δεν μπορείς να το βρείς, σταμάτησες επειδή είσαι ολόκληρος. Δεν είσαι μισός. Νομίζεις πως είσαι μισός. Ίσως επειδή το έχεις ανάγκη, Ίσως επειδή μέσα στο χάος όλα είναι διαστρεβλωμένα, σαν να κοιτάς πίσω απο ένα σπασμένο τζάμι την ζωή σου. Τα χαμόγελα φαίνονται προδοσίες, και οι προδοσίες, χαμόγελα. Τα μαύρα φαίνονται άσπρα και το αντίστροφο.

Δεν θα επικεντρωθώ στο χάος όμως. Προτιμώ να μιλήσω για το τζάμι. Αυτό το χαζό τζάμι που φαίνεται άθραυστο μα είναι ραγισμένο. Αυτό το τζάμι που το βαράς εδώ και χρόνια μα ποτέ δεν δοκίμασες να το αγγίξεις. Αυτό το τεράστιο εμπόδιο που είναι σαν βούνο όταν το κοιτάς μα ποτέ δεν δοκίμασες να αλλάξεις όπτικη γωνία για να δείς πόσο μικρό είναι. Όλοι το έχουν, και εγώ είμαι μέσα σε αυτούς. Το δικό μου το τζάμι το θέλω εκεί. Είναι δικιά μου επιλογή. Δεν είναι τόσο κακό στην δικιά μου περίπτωση μιάς που έμαθα να ζώ με αυτό. Το αποδέχθηκα γιατί φοβόμουν πολύ να το αγγίξω ξανά και να το κάνω κομμάτια. Το θέμα είναι πως ο φόβος είναι καθαρά δικό μας δημιούργημα. Κάτι το οποίο είναι φανταστικό, αμελητέο. Το κενό δεν είναι εκεί, όσο πραγματικό και αν το νιώθεις. Το κενό θα υπάρξει πραγματικά μόνο αν το αφήσεις. Μόνο αν το επιλέξεις. Δεν λέω, το ψέμα βολεύει. Ο φόβος βολεύει μερικές φορές. Το θέμα με αυτό όμως είναι πως αν λές στον εαυτό σου το ίδιο ψέμα για πολύ καιρό, το κάνεις εσύ ο ίδιος πραγματικότητα. Αυτό δεν είναι επιλογή, είναι ψυχαναγκασμός. Μην με παίρνεις στραβά βέβαια, δεν κρίνω κανέναν άλλωστε όλοι είμαστε λίγο τρελοί (βλ. εμένα). Η τρέλα είναι έμφυτη στην ανθρώπινη φύση αλλά να μην προκαλούμε και την τύχη μας.

Έμειναν λίγες ώρες πριν τελειώσει το 2015 και στην θέση του έρθει το 2016. Όχι δεν θα πώ τίποτα γλυκανάλατο του στύλ << καινούριος χρόνος, καινούριος εγώ>>. Αυτό που θέλω να πώ είναι πως το τζάμι μπορεί να σπάσει, ο φόβος μπορεί να φύγει και αυτές οι καταραμένες αναμνήσεις μπορούν να αλλάξουν. Να γίνουν όμορφες, γεμάτες χαμόγελα. Ακόμα και οι χειρότερες ιστορίες έχουν κάτι όμορφο μέσα τους. Μπορεί να άρχισαν όμορφα, μπορεί ο δρόμος  μέχρι το τέλοςνα ήταν μια τεράστια υπέροχη περιπέτεια. Το τέλος ανήκει στο τέλος, το παρέλθον ανήκει στο παρελθόν και τα άσχημα του 2015/14/13 και των άλλων χρόνων ανήκουν στους άλλους χρόνους. Άγγιξε το τζάμι, παρατήρησε καλύτερα, δες τι κρύβεται πίσω απο το ράγισμα και ίσως να καταλάβεις πως δεν είναι καν τζάμι. Ίσως να είναι κάτι που ανοίγει.

Μια πόρτα που ήταν ήδη ανοιχτή όλο αυτό τον καιρό......

New year..

As another year slowly comes to an end.. it's funny the things u reminiscence.. people, moments, tastes, smells.. little things etched deep in ur mind.. some things u miss,  some you're glad are over..

The memories are scattered.. I remember vaguely the joyful moments as the painfull ones are etched deeper in my mind..  

I remember.. your smell on the t-shirts I always used to wear.. I remember your playful remarks that u have no clothes left for I have taken them all.. which in all honesty was true.. I remember your smile.. so playful and boyish.. contagious.. I couldn't help but smile when u smiled at me.. I remember those secret looks u used to give me filled with emotion.. I remember ur voice.. I loved hearing ur voice.. it was  gentle.. so beautiful.. I still hear ur voice in the back of my mind in every song u used to sing to me.. I remember how much I loved to hear u sing.. always nagging u to get ur guitar out and sing me a song.. Oh how excited I got when the songs you would sing were the songs u wrote yourself.. but you were shy as I recall, preserved when it came to ur music.. just like I was with my writing.. we used to make deal as I remember.. u sing me your song I'll show you something I've written.. you knew already most of it was about you.. 

I remember the sweet things you said.. one by one.. as if it was only yesterday I heard them.. 

There is a smile on my lips as I recall that night when you took my hand and we danced,  blues, on the balcony under the moonlight like idiots in the middle of a cold cold winter..  

I fondly prod my mind further and remember those endless sleepless nights we spent talking about anything and everything.. the fights that ended in kisses.. the playful banter..

And then I remember that final week.. the one before u left.. mixed feelings of love and sorror.. crying lots of crying.. you started packing your things and quickly shoving everything in bags as if to get out as quick as you can.. I was crying on the bed looking helplessly at you saying nothing, while my mind was screaming at you to stay.. you came and sat right next to me and asked me why I was crying...  I never told you.. I took your hand as you got up to leave and pulled you into a hug.. and I will never forget what you said. Two simple little words that cracked my heart a little bit  more.. you said 'thank you' and I cried harder.. we spent a long week saying goodbye.. I went with you to the bus stop.. I cried some more. I let go of your hand as you got on the bus.. and then.. total darkness.. it surrounded me as I cried myself to sleep night after night and pulled me deeper each day..
That's a period of time I've burried deep in my mind..
You came back.. only to leave again.. this time I waved goodbye with a smile.. and that was the end.. I know.. we shared some moments after that.. but it was never the same.. it was not until recently I came to realize.. it all ended that night at the bus stop although I chose not to see it..
I closed that chapter of my life.. and like to think I let it behind me.. although memories still creep into my mind as that familiar feeling of longing comes back to haunt me..
But you were not the only chapter in my left that left me longing for more..
The setting in my mind changes as if in a movie.. it's summertime I'm saying goodbye to my best friend as I wave her off.. and I say hello to you.. a stranger at the time.. you're cute although I hardly notice.. not my type.. not my style.. we talk for a long while laying in the floor, as you bombard me with questions about anything and everything.. you smiled a lot.. you made me smile a lot.. you made me forget for a while.. of him.. we came closer over the next few days.. I remember feeling.. hopeful.. of a new beginning.. you made me forget of so much pain.. you were so sweet.. so different.. it was that which I found so attractive.. your caring nature mingled with a stranger manliness.. I fell in love again I think.. I can't be sure of my own feelings yet.. not after all that happened.. from you I recall you're laugh, smile, jokes..  your way of making me feel good again.. and though it hasn't worked out so far.. I will never forget how you made me..forget.. I'm grateful though you may never know.. I still hope you would take that leap of faith and speak your mind at last..
My mind wonders elsewhere.. to the fun I had with my friends.. to my new friends.. some of which I hold dearly in my heart.. to the new places I went to.. to the many things I learned.. drunken stupors and laughing fits.. New doors opening and many closing behind me..
A whole year went by once again.. it feels like an eon..  i know it's a cliche.. the whole new year new me crap.. but I have to believe something better is coming.. not a new shelf.. a new experience.. New friends.. New loves.. a whole new adventure.. that's what I want.. so I go back in my mind one last time.. and close that door nailing it shut.. it's time to open a new door.. come what may.. a new chapter must begin.. 

Broken

Broken.. what does being broken mean?? Everyone has been broken in their life. Everyone has been through that unbearable pain.. Everyone has had their trust crumbled and thrown to the ground leaving them oh so vulnerable.. but what exactly does that mean? Is that pain bound to change ur outlook on life? Bound to change u? It must be. How can u still believe with the same purity in something that made u fold to the ground crying yourself to sleep so many nights? Love, trust.. such sacred words, such effort to built them and believe in them when all it takes is a moment for them to turn to dust.. a word, an action. A fraction of a second is all it takes for years of effort to disappear in thin air.. and where does all that trust and love go after that? Is it possible to build it all again? Isn't it like trying to build a house of cards when the wind is gushing around u, spinning the cards around as if in a tornado? A tornado yes.. that's what it's like! Like a tornado has passed through.. lifting everything, your whole life and ideology in the air and spinning it around, until everything you knew is scattered all over the fucking place.. leaving u dumbstruck without the faintest idea of how to put everything back where it belongs.
And just like that, you're broken. Does that mean you can't be fixed? And how do you know if you can be fixed again? Do you need help? Or is it something you have to accomplish alone? So many questions.. so little answers..
For me.. it's like an impossible task. For me.. my faith, trust,  Love isn like a house of cards.. the smallest of movement,  the calmest breeze can ruin it all over again. Am I so broken that my pieces have turned into fragments?  The fragments into to dust?  Impossible to put together again? Will I ever be able to love in the same way I did?  Do I even want to? So much effort put into something so fragile.. so much of myself I have already given away, I kept too little for myself.. I know it was my mistake but how could I deny myself the gift of love, at least once in my life.. My dear I was so young.  How was I to know of the terrible terrible outcome?  Was it to be expected?  It must have been.. it was a love so fierce it burned out by it's own intensity..
Is it wrong that I am thankful?  Thankful for living it? Fond of those excruciatingly painful memories? Is it wrong that I visit them for comfort?  Yes.. as crazy as it sounds they give me comfort.. they are my incentive to try.. to continue giving away my broken pieces in hope that they won't be abused again.. and I do try.. Broken or not I put a smile on my face, and I go on.. walking down my lonely road as always.. I dream.. bigger than before.. I have to believe that something better will come along because if I don't I shall crumble to the ground once again with no ability to get back up..
How twisted is it that what broke you.. might be the only thing keeping you together?
It's a riddle to hard to solve.. life.. it can be harsh.. it can be brutally harsh.. that's what I've come to realize.. it gives you something wonderful only to take it away from you again.. you experience bliss, moments before you feel the pain.. as if to make it more intense..
 The ironic part is that you actually need to experience this kind of loss and pain.. because it makes you stronger..
Am I stronger because of what I lost?  I don't feel stronger.. I don't feel weaker.. if anything, I feel..lost.. Yes.. I feel lost.. and how do I find my way again.. Am I to go blind and with no directions? Is their another lesson waiting for me down the road? Can I take a another bullet to the heart?
Broken.. we are all broken.. waiting for someone to repair us.. maybe we're irreparable.. maybe we're not as broken as we think. Maybe it's fear that turns us into cynics.. maybe we don't even know how afraid we are so we convince ourselves we've changed.. maybe deep down we are exactly the same person we were.. no.. how can that be possible? It is not.  But fear does end up leading our paths.. we need to gain powered over that fear instead of letting it gain more power over us..
I come to the conclusion, I'm not afraid..I have nothing left to lose so what is there to fear.. the pain? I managed to shove it away in the back of my mind before.. I can do it again.. i got up when I fell.. I can do it again.. you think it feels like you're in hell?  Well I made hell my home not my punishment.. it's more fun burning there.. I snuggle with my demons.. I don't fight them.. they are good company.. so if hell is what I may experience again.. then to hell with that shit. It's an experience I look forward to.. maybe I'm unbreakable after being broken to many times..
Maybe..

Ευτυχισμένος ο Σχεδόν Καινούριος Χρόνος

Κυρίες, δεσποινίδες και κύριοι... ΚΑΛΗΜΕΡΑ ΣΑΣ!

We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year και άλλα πολλά τέτοια. Τριγωνάκια, χαζά παιδάκια και κάλαντα παντού. Ξέρω, ξέρω όλα αυτά μπορεί να είναι σπαστικά. Σίγουρα υπάρχουν και άλλοι σαν και εμένα εκεί έξω που απλά μισούν τα Χριστούγεννα. Ίσως επειδή είναι παγανιστική γιορτή( sorry to burst your bubble), ίσως επειδή δεν μπορούν τον καπιταλισμό και τον υπερκαταναλωτισμό της σημερινής καπιταλιστικής εποχής( viva la revolution comrades), ίσως επειδή δεν μπορούν αυτές τις υπέροχες φάλτσες φωνές των μικρών παιδιών στις επτά το πρωί όταν απλά θέλεις να κοιμηθείς. ΑΛΛΑ, ΑΛΛΑ. Ας δούμε την θετική πλευρά των πραγμάτων. Ναί, η όλη χαρά και καλοσύνη που πετάγεται απο το πουθενά σε όλους μπορεί να είναι απο τα πιο ψεύτικα πράγματα που υπάρχουν. Όλοι έχουν ένα χαζό χαμόγελο, χριστουγεννιάτικα τραγούδια παίζουν όπου και να πάς, all i want for Christmas is you και άλλα τέτοια γλυκανάλατα. Έβαλα λοιπόν τον χριστουγεννιάτικο σκούφο μου, εφοδιάστικα με μπόλικα μελομακάρονα και αποφάσισα μιας που για κάποιο μυστήριο λόγο ξύπνησα με γιορτινή διάθεση να σας αλλάξω την γνώμη για την ψευτιά των Χριστουγέννων. Όχι, όχι δεν μου έκαναν λοβοτομή ξαφνικά και απο κατάθλιψη, λοβ στόρις και καψούρα έγινα χαρούμενος άνθρωπος αλλά μια στο τόσο, σαν καλός τρελός και εγώ βγάζω στην επιφάνεια μιά στο τόσο τον καλό εαυτό μου ( με λουρί, σε ελεγχόμενο περιβάλλον) γιατί αν αρχίσει να τρέχει ελεύθερος την κάτσαμε την βάρκα. Η χαρά των ανθρώπων μπορεί να φαίνεται ψεύτικη τα Χριστούγεννα αλλά δεν είναι. Υπάρχει εκεί απο την αρχή του χρόνου, χτίζεται σταδιακά μαζί με το υπερβολικό άγχος της δουλειάς, το στρες των προβλημάτων και τα λοιπά. Το θέμα είναι πως η κοινωνία μας έχει γαλουχιθεί με τέτοιον τρόπο που πιστεύει πως η μόνη εποχή που μπορεί να είναι καλά είναι τα Χριστούγεννα. Τι να τους κάνουμε όμως και ποιοί είμαστε εμείς για να τους κρίνουμε και να τους χαλάσουμε χατήρι χριστουγεννιάτικες μέρες που είναι; Τα Χριστούγεννα είναι μια τεράστια μπάλα που πατάνε όλοι στο χέρι τους και παίζουν μαζί της για να νιώσουν καλύτερα. Αν οι εποχές είχαν επαγγέλματα, ο Δεκέμβρης θα ήταν η γραμματέας και τα Χριστούγεννα ο ψυχοθεραπευτής των μαζών. Για μια φορά μετά απο αρκετά χρόνια χαίρομαι που είμαι μέσα στα ραντεβού για να πώ την αλήθεια. Αν εξαιρέσουμε το οτι είμαι μόνιμως πεινασμένος λόγω των φαγητών που μυρίζω απο τα μπαλκόνια όταν περπατάω, όλα τα υπόλοιπα είναι όμορφα. Μπορεί να μην έχω το χιόνι της Αγγλίας, μιας που ήρθα για διακοπές στην Ελλάδα αλλά έχω να κοιτάω τα χαμόγελα των άγνωστων ανθρώπων. Την ευγένεια τους και την αλληλεγγύη και ενότητα που νιώθει ο κόσμος αυτή την όμορφη εποχή του χρόνου. Μικρό τυμπανιστή μην ακούσω μόνο γιατί θα σκοτώσω καμια γαλοπούλα. Ακόμα και αν δεν συμφωνείτε μαζί μου, ακόμα και αν ακόμα πιστεύετε πως η χαρά των Χριστουγέννων είναι κάτι ψεύτικο μην φοβάστε τίποτα. Εδώ είμαι να σας πρήζω με επειχηρήματα.

  Let's talk psychology. Ας πούμε πως η χαρά είναι όντως ψεύτικη. Όταν πιστεύεις κάτι βαθιά μέσα σου, ακόμα και αν αυτό είναι ένα τεράστιο ψέμα που σου έχει μπεί στο μυαλό μέσω της τηλεόρασης, της απίστευτα αυστηρής και Χριστιαννικής οικογένειας και άλλων είναι αλήθεια ή ψέμα; Αν εσύ επέλεξες να το υιοθετήσεις και να το πιστέψεις υπάρχει για σένα ή όχι; Άμα σου λένε για 30 χρόνια πως είσαι χαζούλης, σε κάποια φάση θα το πιστέψεις. Μπορεί να μην ισχύει αλλά την στιγμή που θα το πιστέψεις για σένα υπάρχει. Είναι αληθινό. Έγω πιστεύω στα μελομακάρονα ας πούμε. Αν μπορούσα να τα παντρευτώ θα είχα ζητήσει ήδη το χέρι τους απο τον φούρναρη που τα πήρα τις προάλλες. Τι να κάνουμε όμως; Δεν μπορούμε να τα έχουμε όλα σε αυτή την ζωή. Μα Νίκο, τι λές; Πόσο αντιφατικός μπορεί να είσαι; Πάντα δεν έλεγες πως η σκληρή αλήθεια είναι πιο καλή απο το πιο γλυκό ψέμα;  Ναί Νίκο νούμερο 2, σατ δε φακ απ  τώρα. Που λέτε η ζωή δεν είναι άσπρο και μαύρο. Δεν είναι μόνο λύπη και χαρά. Είναι ανάμικτα συναισθήματα, εκπλήξεις που τρομάζουν και τελικά είναι καλές, χαρές που κατέληξαν σε μια κακή στιγμή. Τα Χριστούγεννα σβήνουν το μαύρο και τις άλλες σκούρες αποχρώσεις και αφήνουν απλά το άσπρο. Όταν μια ιδέα σαν αυτή είναι στα μυαλά όλου του πλυθησμού μια χώρας η μιας πόλης και αν όχι όλου, ενός μεγάλου ποσοστού τότε αυτή η ιδέα έρχεται στην ζωή, γίνεται πραγματική. Άλλωστε, γιατί να μην θέλεις να γίνει πραγματική; Ακόμα και ο πιο αναίσθητος άνθρωπος γίνεται έστω και λίγο καλός ( βλ. Νίκο 2) , ακόμα και οι πιο κακοί γονείς γίνονται καλοί, οι εχθροί γίνονται ξανά φίλοι έστω και για λίγο, οι πρώην νιώθουν πάλι την αγάπη του/της τότε νύν και άλλα πολλά τέτοια. Όλα αυτά δεν γίνονται επειδή κάποιος τους είπε να το κάνουν. Όλα αυτά δεν γίνονται επειδή τους βομβάρδισαν με τις διαφημήσεις των Jumbo που με κάνουν να θέλω να πετάξω την τηλεόραση απο το τρίτο, ούτε αποφάσισαν να παραμερήσουν τις διαφορές τους επειδή άκουσαν το ραπαπαπαπαμ. ΠΟΥ ΑΜΑ ΤΟΝ ΕΒΡΙΣΚΑ ΘΑ ΤΟΥ ΠΕΡΝΟΥΣΑ ΤΟ ΤΥΜΠΑΝΟ ΚΟΛΛΑΡΟ! Όχι, όχι. Το ήθελαν υποσυνείδιτα. Δεν έχουν ιδέα οτι το ξέρουν και το θέλουν αλλά το ξέρουν και το θέλουν. Όλοι έχουμε στείλει μύνημα στην/στον πρώην όταν το ρολόι βαράει 12:01. Μην μου λέτε ψέματα εμένα. Λές και δεν σας ξέρω.

Αρκετά με την ψυχολογία όμως. Ώρα για γεγονότα, χειροπιαστα και γεμάτα μέλι όπως τα μελομακάρονα που έχω πεθάνει εδώ και ώρα τώρα. Όταν άρχισα το μλόγκ αυτό δεν είχα καμία ελπίδα πως κάποιος θα το δεί, πως κάποιος θα το διαβάσει. Χθές ανακάλυψα πως απο τον Φεβρουάριο που γράφω και ενώ το μπλόγκ είχε 600 προβολές μέσα σε 9 μήνες, με λίγα λόγια τίποτα, ξαφνικά όταν μπήκε ο Δεκέμβρης εκτινάχθηκε στα 1,000. Πώς; Δεν έχω ιδέα. Η δικιά μου θεωρία είναι πως φταίει το γιορτινό πνεύμα.Όλοι θέλουν αγάπη. Όλοι θέλουν κάποιον στην ζωή τους ακόμα και αν επέλεξαν το αντίθετο, ακόμα και αν το αρνούνται και γελάνε κάθε φορά που τους το λένε. 400 προβολές μέσα σε μισό μήνα. Τώρα θα έκανα μαθημάτικα για να δείξω το ποσοστό και την διαφορά αλλά ατυχήσατε, δεν έχω ιδέα απο μαθηματικά. 

Τελειώνοντας θα ήθελα να πώ πως εύχομαι ότι επιθυμείτε στην αγκαλιά σας να το βρείτε, ευτυχισμένος ο σχεδόν καινούριος χρόνος και ελπίζω το 2016 να πάει καλύτερα απο το 2015.

Εύχαριστούμε όποιον διάβασε έστω για μια φορά τα άρθρα που γράφουμε εδώ μέσα και ελπίζουμε να βοηθήσαμε κάπως η να ταυτιστίκατε με αυτά. 

Μελομακάρονα giveway στο τέλος του πόστ.

Καλές γιορτές και βλέπε τίτλο!

Superpowers and Miracles

Sometimes certain people are meant to be together and sometimes they are never meant to belong.
There is this certain someone. She is quite a remarkable woman. She is not my heart but I care about her, she is not my family but I miss her. Oh, this stupid little girl. She doesn't like mirrors but mirrors do like her. She is one of the most important ingredients in my life right now. She is the most true person I've ever met. She knows almost everything about me yet she stays by my side. Even though she knows I am fucked up and pretty much empty, she is always there. Always smiling, always making my day better. I consider myself lucky for having her in my life. She can shine bright and radiate more light than the sun and she can be darker than black. She can be heaven and hell at the same time. She accepted me for what I really am, never tried to change me into anything, not even a little and I did the same as well. She popped up out of nowhere, in a pretty difficult time of my life. I remember the first time I saw her. Beautiful, full of joy and always wearing a red lipstick. We talked and we talked about almost everything. She uplifted my empty soul just by existing. She can be weird and serious, bitchy and good, scared and scary, vulnerable and invulnerable, she can be everything and nothing.

Red hair and red lipstick, what a wonderful combination. Dark like the abyss and bright like the morning sun rays at the same time. Her eyes are blue and colder than ice but her stare is hotter than magma. Every single morning we were drinking coffee before class. She was so vibrant and happy every day, it made me wonder. How could she be so happy every single day? I found out that she was like me..cracked, broken. I identified myself in the stories she told me. I felt a strong bond even though I knew her for 2 months. It was like I knew her all my life. Her face was so familiar and her voice was so soothing. After some time she was blonde again and she was still beautiful as hell.
Sometimes I was afraid that if someone was listening our conversations we would be put in a mental hospital and yet, if that was the case I would have the best mental hospital company ever. The epic duo of me and her. The 'two man army' as they say. I could easily picture us in a world domination scenario and her as a Queen. Pulling the strings with just a stare that could pierce your soul and make you instantly fall in love with her. However, she has no idea of her capabilities and potential. This may occur because of her hate towards mirrors but I'm working on changing it.

 Her body posture is overwhelming as always, filling you with so many feelings. Scared, attracted, curious and you have no idea what to do and what to say. She has this superpower... You cant say no to her. Maybe because she is adorable and cute, maybe she really has a superpower, you can never know. The only thing someone can do is to submit to her will and she doesn't even know but I do.
The big conclusion is that certain people are valuable. They may be weird, broken, empty but they can emit so many feelings, they can make you happy and you need to be careful not to lose people like them.

They are like miracles...

The Great Cost Of An Illusion

A friend of mine told me that a life without love is meaningless but what can I do when I am empty as hell? Loneliness can be a good friend for life too. Loneliness doesn't  complain. Loneliness won't betray or hurt you. I always thought that love was overrated. My perspective of love is the following.
A huge illusion of happiness. Love can make you powerful or weak. Love can make you invulnerable or kill you. No one has power or control over love, its the opposite. Love may be the most powerful feeling out there. It can manipulate everyone, it can destroy lives and reincarnate them. It can kill you and bring you back to life again. A big lie, the sweetest lie I've ever been told. So warm and cozy, so real. My faith in love wore out long ago however, the sole fact of you waking up beside me makes me crazy, crazy in love. I wish for this illusion to exist forever in my life. Seeing you smiling makes me happy. Seeing you sad makes me sad. It's like I can feel what you can feel, like we are in sync. Your brightest and your darkest days. I'm scared that one day you will find out the big void inside of me and leave me, I'm scared that somehow you will look inside my eyes and find out the big secret I've been hiding from you all these years but for now I'm gonna enjoy it while it lasts. I will cherish every single moment of my life with you. I will keep inside my small, stupid mind every single smile of yours, every single tear, everything.

They say that words can create misunderstandings but we sure like to talk a lot. Nights with no sleep, sunsets and sunrises have past and we are still  talking about every small or big thing we can find without getting bored of each other. I hope that this magic dust that binds us together never fades. I always thought that feeling things was a weakness but you taught me that it's power. You taught me to fall in love, pick up my pieces when I'm hurt and shape my heart from the beginning stronger, better. I've learned not to fear the rain but enjoy it, to protect the people I love and trust. I've learned so many things because of you. Even though you touch me, sometimes I think that you will disappear  like the moonlight when the sun rises and I'll be alone. I'm so scared of the thought that you won't be here to hold you in my arms. It's like someone sent you from heaven to my own hell. You are like a good dream which fends off my worst nightmares. The most beautiful thing in life, I found them in your eyes. You gave me your hand and showed me how bright hope can shine.

You told me that you will always love me. You told me that you will always be next to me, holding my hand as I couldn't walk properly without you beside me and I believed you. I trusted you and that was the best decision I have ever made in my whole life. The decision to fall for you, to blindly trust you and support you in everything you wanted to do. How can I be so empty when I am writing all this. How can I be so empty when I feel all these feelings for you. Maybe it's my fault. I wish I had a hourglass so I can turn back time. Right my wrongs. So I can try to make you feel something for me. I wish I had a hourglass so I can turn back time and convince you to teach me more things. Such as how empty I would feel when you leave, the great cost of all this happiness. The side - effects of loving someone so deeply. The side - effects of this addiction. The shaking, the tears, the darkness.
Maybe I feel empty because of all the noise of the outside world and the silence of my mind. Maybe because every time I see you, deep inside me I know that I will never touch you again.

Maybe because I was empty from the beginning..........

..as time goes by

Time goes by.. time flies by.. before you know it, winter has gone and it has come again.. and with it have come so many changes.. people keep saying how much can change in year.. we don't realise how much can change in a minute, a second.. a heartbeat is all it takes.. to fall in love or out of it.. to make a life changing decision.. to live to die.. Time flies, all of a sudden you wake up and you're all  grown up now, with real problems, a real life. And God you wish you could turn back time to when the scratches on your knees were the only thing that hurt.. cause everyone keeps pointing out the perks of being old enough to be independent, old enough to drink, to live alone, to smoke,  to have sex,  to stay out as late as you like, party as hard as you please. No one ever tells you how much growing up hurts.. Everyone tells you how wonderful it is to fall in love, no one tells you about that gaping hole that makes every breath painful.. No one is there to help you back up when you have fallen so low you can barely see the surface..
And when you have been broken? Who is there to put the pieces back together? ? You! Only you can do that, only you.. you pick up the pieces one by one cutting yourself again and again on their jagged edges while you glue yourself together.. just so you get broken again and again. So what are you supposed to do? Lock yourself in  a room and throw away the key in an effort to protect yourself?  Avoid anyone who could cause you heartache?  Are supposed to miss out on  all those wonderful moments , are supposed to miss out on life, just because you are afraid of a little or a lot of pain? And if you don't make mistakes how in the world are you gonna learn what is right? And if you never hurt how in the world are you going to appreciate the happiness that comes before? And if you are afraid of endings,  how are you going to experience those glorious beginnings?  But darling don't you know yet? Sunsets are proof endings can be just as beautiful as beginnings.. are you never going to watch the sun come out lighting the world around you.. feeling the warmth of  those first rays of sun on your skin.. never going to lose yourself in that feeling that a new day has dawned just because you can't bare the thought of seeing the sun hide away and the wold around you hide in the shadows at twilight? But that is no way to live honey.. you need one to appreciate the other.. every ending is a new beginning is disguise. Every fall is an opportunity to get back up even stronger..
And for the love of God life is so short and yet so precious. Why are you letting it pass you by? Why are loosing yourself in that awfully familiar pattern of denial? Why have you already lost your faith? Oh my dear.. but you are so young to have no faith! Have you no need to discover new beauties in life? Have you no need to loose yourself in New adventures?  No need to find a deeper meaning in your seemingly meaningful life? are you forever gonna live in fear of pain? Are you forever gonna push people away? Are you forever gonna avoid happiness in fear of sadness. Why.. don't you understand?  It's sadness that bring a joy!  Yes.. it's those years of sadness that constrict your throat and you can't speak, that make tears of happiness so much more exciting! ! It's those little moments that you are now letting pass you by that you will remember.. it's those looks that you exchange with that special someone.. it's that touch her or his touch that leaves your skin tingling.. the butterflies in your tummie when you lay your eyes on her or him.. those words reverberating in your head that put a smile on your lips.. oh that wonderful prospect of a new beginning.. those are the moments that are worth you while.. And if pain follows.. may it follow.. it's a lesson, not wasted time.. it's a memory not a mistake.. it's a choice that made you not a choice you made.. how can you close the door to love? How can you deny it from your life?  It gives you something to hold onto. Something to fight for. It brightens your dark days up.. lights up the shadows. Is it better to come home to an empty bed every night? Is it better to have no one to share your deepest fears a with? Is it better to let that feeling of loneliness and numbness seep in to your soul? Will you forever fill up the void, avoiding what you really want, with everyday tasks, with friends, with work, hobbies?  No! You have to live dear. Let go of that mistrust.  It's eating you up. You're going to miss out on every endearing moment of your life.. you aee going to hurt so many people you love.. sweetie don't you see? You are gonna hurt yourself more than anything.. because all you will ever know.. Is loss.. pushing everyone away.. punishing them for others mistakes.. hurting others cause you.. you are the one in pain..people, no matter how persistent or loving they are, are going to leave if you keep pushing them away..
You need to learn to loose yourself in them, not for them.. you need to learn to let go of the past and embrace the future...because it will pass you by in the blink of an eye.. until all you have in life is regret.. regret for what you lost before you even gain it.. and that is the most painful ending of all.. the what ifs that cut into you like knives.. the maybes that are like salt in your wounds.. those are the only regrets yo should have.. those are the only mistakes you have made.. not staying,  but passing by.. and that is what is going to hunt you until you loose your mind.. and that my sweetest is not a story worth telling.. and I.. I want to have a story worth telling.. I want to be brave enough to laugh at my mistakes,  be brave enough to be thankful for my hardships and the lesson I was taught from them.. I wanna be brave enough  to smile at my tears and I want to be able to say I was brave enough to do what I really wanted in my life.. for that will be my greatest accomplishment of all.. living my life to the fullest.. embracing my fears, overcoming them, instead of hiding in the corner..
Yes.. It hurts to lose, it's awful to feel  you have no control, but you have no control over life anyway.. so embrace it and work with it.. walk around the ditches, climb back up if you fall.. claw your way up if need be.. but don't for a moment think that you are doing well standing still.. don't for a moment think you are cheating pain, cheating life.. you are avoiding the simply unavoidable! The only difference is you have nothing to be proud of no Good memories to hang onto when the pain comes.. you just have the knowledge that, that something good that was banging on your door, the door you nailed shut is now somewhere else.. oh so far away from you.. out of your reach forever.. regret? Yes.. it's seeping from every pore in your body.. I hope it doesn't hurt forever.. but I'm scared.. I think it will..
So do a favour to your mangled heart and take a fucking leap of faith, take a freaking chance before it is too late.. Are you trying to patch your wounds up or leave them bleeding while taking the knife in your own hands and opening more? You are already starting to miss out on the meaning of life.. you have already lost thinking you gained. And you are about to loose so much more. So take caution. Take notice. Life may be a big test.. but if you fail.. you don't get a second chance at it..
So baby my advice?  Hurt and live to watch every new dawn, or hurt in vain afraid of the next sundown.. missing out on everything beautiful twilight in between.. see the ugliness to appreciate the beauty.. feel the loss to know what love means.. then and only then will you be able to say you have truly lived.. go mad for what you want in every aspect of your life.. don't think.. act on what you want even if you regret it later.. it's better to try and fail than not to try at all!!