time to leave..

It was another night like all the rest.. she was still in bed, staring at the ceiling. She looked at the clock.. It was time to get ready for work.. She slowly rose from the bed and made her way to the bathroom.. The water was blistering hot, she let it run along with her tears.. The steam made it hard for her to breath as she madly scrubbed her naked body trying to wash away the shame, the embarrassment, the guilt.. she closed her eyes trying to block out the images, shook her head turned off the water.. she cleaned the foggy mirror and looked at her reflection.. two sad green eyes looked back at her.. her face was a mask of sadness.. she shook her head again as if to shake away the sadness and returned to her room to get ready.. she started off the same old rituals of getting ready for work.. her friend and roommate sat on the bed blabbering along while she smiled and laughed at all the right moments pretending to pay attention as her words were like white noise to her ears..she was still hiding her silent tears.. she put on her clothes and her very high heels and looks into the mirror again.. Make up and pretty clothes could only hide the flaws of her appearance though.. not the emptiness of her soul.. Tears swelled up as she stared at herself without recognising what she saw anymore.. She closed the door behind her and made her way to her silent endless torture.. 

And the night went on.. And she heard the same old lines, she saw the same looks.. those looks, like she was on showcase, as they stripped her down with their eyes, and smiled their obnoxious hideous dirty smiles.. and she felt their hands on her back, going lower, and she smiled and she laughed as she tried to move their hands with caution, and she bit her lip to fight away the overwhelming shame, for what she had become.. and she drank trying to dim those feelings, needing the buzz.. and they went on talking and touching and smiling and flirting and she sat silent feeling.. numb.. she felt numb.. as if nothing and no one could get to her anymore.. 

And she sat there contemplating her life.. everyone had given up on her anyway.. no one had stayed in her life but her family and very few friends who were slowly drifting away.. no one had loved her as she was no longer lovable.. that's how she felt.. unlovable.. and unable to love again as her feelings for previous romances had dimmed and faded into time.. she had tried to fall in love again with no luck.. she had even tried to rekindle old flames desperately trying to feel what she felt then..but no matter how hard she tried she still felt nothing for him.. all she could feel was worthless, alone and lonely, a burden.. she had no home if she left, no one to lean on..she had been swallowed up by this reality.. as if she had lost everyone and everything along the way.. she just wanted to get as far away from this reality as possible.. but she just kept running into a wall.. she watched her dreams get further away but stubbornly pulled them closer.. she refused to let go of the only thing holding her together, her goals.. her goals of making something out of herself,,

And she went home to a dark house and a cold bed.. lying on her back she closed her eyes an breathed out.. now she could let go of the smiling facade she put on every night and emotionally exhausted let the tears flow freely while she drifted off into the usual restless slumber..until it was time to wake up and face the same every day, again and again.. 

That's how the days went by.. even at home surrounded by family and friends she couldn't shake off the feeling worthlessness.. defence mechanisms kicked in as she snapped at anything they said, feeling like she had already lost them.. 

It was time for her to leave all of this behind.. she needed to get back up from the pit she had fallen into.. time to get away, far away.. who would miss her now anyway? she'd burnt one too many bridges already.. It was time to leave.. time to get away..