Monday 7 November 2016

Smoke Filled Room Part I

Here I am again. In this despicable room. All alone, in this smoke filled room. I hate this room. I love this room.  I don't even know what this room is anymore. Is it really a room or is it a manifestation of my twisted mind? Who knows, who cares anymore. I know I don't. The shadows hidden in the dark corners of the room are alive. I should be scared but I'm not. I've been fighting my demons for quite a while now. I've been killing them one by one, evaporating them, yet they seem endless in numbers. I wonder for how long I will have to fight them. Do I really have to fight them? Maybe they are actually my friends. I feel the urge to fight them though. I can't let them drag me down. It's cold down there, cold and dark. I've been there once. Not pleasant, not pleasant at all. There was a light in the darkness. A blue eyed light. The light that almost saved me from the demons I have been fighting for so long. It gave me strength to keep on fighting. The shadows disappeared from her radiant light. So bright and warm, it was like heaven.

Heaven is an illusion in case you didn't know. The sense of feeling safe from that light was an illusion. She came without warning and she left without one, dropping me once again, in the pits of that smoke filled room.
It was a mistake, a sweet one. Probably my greatest mistake. I thought the light could save me but I was wrong. Oh God, I was so wrong. She left, she left suddenly. Maybe someone else will be her guardian now. Maybe she will save someone else from his demons. The smoke in the room is becoming thicker day by day, suffocating me. Everything is covered in darkness and there is no light this time. No light, no saviour. Maybe I'm past saving. Maybe I don't deserve to be saved. I have to accept my fate I guess. I have to find a way to escape somehow. The fire that was burning in the room is dead and the room is freezing. The wind outside the room is howling. There is a knock on the door. The shadows disappear because of the banging on the door. I'm in shock. Is it the light again? Maybe she came back.

I open the door but all I see is a stranger shivering and breathing heavily. I try to turn her away but she insists she is here to stay. I thought to my self, "who would like to stay here?"
She made herself comfy in front of the cold and lifeless fireplace. She stared at the fireplace like she wanted to do something with it. I was confused. ''Who the hell are you and what are you doing here'' I asked her.
She kept on staring the fireplace. ''Light must be born again'' she mumbled. ''The light has faded for quite a while now'' I replied with a soft voice as I turned my stare away from her.

Suddenly I hear a cracking sound from behind me. Warmth started filling the room. With a sudden move of my head I look behind me. The fireplace was lit with a small and weak  flame. ''How did she managed that and why'' I whispered to my self. Once again, I was confused and lost. The room rumbling in the presence of the fire. The room doesn't like the light. Shadows whispering in every corner of the room. Feelings overwhelming me. The small lullaby box opened by it's own and started playing a distorted tune, fitting to the feelings I had at the moment. After all, this despicable room is mine. My head feels heavy, my vision is blurry. All I can see is that girl smiling at me before I fall to my knees, passing out

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