A Slice Of Curiosity

Funny how people can be so complex sometimes. I always thought of relationships as something really simple but life keeps proving me wrong. I don't know if it is because of arrogance or jealousy or whatever but I realised that relationships are quite complicated indeed. Trust, communication and honesty. Three things I always wanted from my relationships. I got fucking none. That's cool though. I am sure I have my fair share of mistakes. I'm not perfect and I know that. I'm actually far from perfect yet I can do these 3 things I mentioned above without any difficulty. From a sociological approach you need some things in order to have a perfect relationship. Some of them are the proximity between the 2 people, trust and communication. That's what I like to call a ''paper relationship''. It works perfectly on paper but when you apply it on real life scenarios it just falls apart. Why is that? Because people are complex..As fuck. I'm a simple guy to be honest. I may talk to
o much and disagree quite a lot with everyone but that's what makes a conversation alive. It's alright to disagree as long as you respect the opinions of everyone. However not everyone is simple. A great example is something I read a month ago. It was a simple message that made me laugh if I dare to say.

It was from someone who left me (which is perfectly fine). What was not fine is the fact that she had the guts to tell me that she still wanted me in her life. For some casual conversation now and then as friends. I had mixed feelings while reading the message. Some anger, some sadness but in the end all I could do was laugh. I don't really know if I was laughing at her proposition or if I was laughing out of desperation because of my loneliness. My old self would really ask just one question. "Why would she sent that message? What is the thought process behind it. Does she miss me, is she sad about her choice or did she just send that out of pity for me''?

 The good thing is that I am not like that anymore. I couldn't care less why she sent that and even though I found it funny and laughed I found her proposition quite interesting. Not because I wanted to know if she cared about me but I was genuinely  curious about the psychological aspects that can lead a person who left you to say these things. Of course the one who breaks up with you is hurt too, there is no denying that. People who are free have problems but for people in jail is always worse. At that specific time that I was in fucking jail. A metaphorical jail of course. How can someone not understand that words like that hurt? Not me thank god. I'm so used to the whole let's be friends phrase that I am completely immune excluding the occasional laugh. You see, when your fucking dog dies you fucking bury it. You bury it, cry like a little bitch because dogs are love and try to move on with your life. You don't keep the corpse of the dog at your house and continue to act like it's not dead. That's the same with relatioships. When you break up the relationship dies. Even if you don't want to see it or understand it, it dies. So why the hell would I be friends with someone that I cared about in a non friendly way and why that person thought that it would be a good idea to make a suggestion like that? Stupidity maybe, that was my first conclusion but of course that's quite harsh. On the other hard truth is harsh too. Yet, this is the subjective point of view of someone hurt and alone. On a more objective view I think that it's mostly positive. When you care about someone you want them in your life. You want to know if they are doing good. That's basically unconditional love. Maybe it's the fact that when people break up and someone moves on with their lives the other one feels jealousy. They have this feeling of possession over you and that's where this jealousy stems from. Possession is not a bad thing of course. We all want to protect someone, have someone in our lives and share with them our deepest fears and secrets. Who wouldn't want to be a 2 man army anyway? To have a true ''soulmate''.

From another point of view being friends with someone could mean that they never loved or cared about you and that is why they are so eager to be friends. Also, lets be clear. ''Friends'' in this scenario means: Hi there, would you like to say hi once every fucking year and have a 10 minute chit chat about how good our lives are? Why would someone not be sad after  a breakup. Sad enough to not disrespect that relationship that just died with such a proposition? Take some time and ask yourself. You just broke up with the love of your life. Do you or do you not suggest to be friends after 3 months? No. You fucking don't. 3 months is not enough time to grieve properly and by grieve I mean taking some alone time to think about and let the sadness go away. That is of course if you actually loved the person next to you.

Even though theories are quite fun, I don't think I found out why I received that message that day. However I understood that people and relationships in general are complex. Human beings are conquered by emotions and you cannot control them all sometimes. The mistakes we make sometimes cannot be fixed. Maybe in order to move on from someone and forget, you have to meet someone equally or even more exciting than the person that left you. But that's just a cheap excuse for people that never truly tried for their relationship so I can't relate with that. Maybe these theories are right and I'm spot on and maybe not. Yet I stand by my very first opinion. I still believe that relationships are quite simple. All you need is to be strong and have an equally strong person next to you. Someone who can love your insecurities and imperfections. Love after all, love is never perfect. We make love perfect with our actions.