I was always trying to figure you out. I was wondering what were you thinking, every action and word you've ever said and done. I never managed to figure anything out though. That's what I liked about you. After all this time, you were still a mystery to me. I never took you for granted because of that dark veil that was surrounding your existence. I was too scared to take you for granted. Too scared to even think that you was mine. I fell in that veil of yours so easy. I wanted to get lost in that darkness, to look at your captivating eyes every single day. Some people believe that love has many forms and I am one of them but I never really understood your kind of love. I decided to give up after some years. Give up on trying to figure out everything about you and then one day it hit me.
-Do you love me? You were asking me.
-Yes. That was always my answer.
However when you were asking me how much I couldn't find words to describe my feelings to you. I always stood in silence, smiling while looking at you but you could see inside me. You could see the melancholy in my eyes. These blank eyes that you supposedly fell in love with. You misunderstood the melancholy in my eyes. I wasn't sad because I didn't love you. I was sad because I couldn't explain how much I loved you. The words came to me after some time. After you left me. I could explain to you now but you are gone. I would tell you that I would erase the light of the stars for you. I would destroy planets and do anything just to smile at me. I would drain all the seas for you but you never let me love you. I wish I could tell you all these. Unfortunately I know that all the things I want to say to you are gonna rot away in some dark cell of my mind or maybe it's not the right time to say these things. Maybe we are like clocks that will never be in sync. You see, missing someone is not a certain fixed point in time. It is happening everyday. Every single time the radio plays that song we used to listen. Every time there is an apple pie somewhere near me. I miss you more and more as time passes by and you will never know. It's like hearing every goodbye you ever said to me all at once. We collided like stars and exploded together like a predestined supernova. There is always an end in everything and our end was marked at the time of the explosion but for that one instance I felt alive and dead at the same time. Nowadays you are like a shadow on the walls. An echo telling me to reach out to you and make you mine again. A gentle touch on my shoulder, like the wind. A whirlpool pulling me inside your sweet cage of twisted love. After all this time I know that it's a lie. There is no cage, no gentle wind touching just my mind playing games. It makes me sad though. I'm starting to realize that I can't fight my feelings anymore and I don't know how to get past this sadness and darkness surrounding me. If only you could come back, everything would be bright and sunny again. A man has the right to dream right? I'm so lost without you, empty and hollow. I believed in you for so long. I loved you so hard and now I'm all out of love and faith and I can only wish I had a time machine to turn back time. Right my wrongs with you. Prevent you from disappearing from my life. It was me and you against the world. We were burning bridges, winning ward and building worlds. The past is the worse vertigo.
-Do you love me? You were asking me.
-Yes. That was always my answer.
However when you were asking me how much I couldn't find words to describe my feelings to you. I always stood in silence, smiling while looking at you but you could see inside me. You could see the melancholy in my eyes. These blank eyes that you supposedly fell in love with. You misunderstood the melancholy in my eyes. I wasn't sad because I didn't love you. I was sad because I couldn't explain how much I loved you. The words came to me after some time. After you left me. I could explain to you now but you are gone. I would tell you that I would erase the light of the stars for you. I would destroy planets and do anything just to smile at me. I would drain all the seas for you but you never let me love you. I wish I could tell you all these. Unfortunately I know that all the things I want to say to you are gonna rot away in some dark cell of my mind or maybe it's not the right time to say these things. Maybe we are like clocks that will never be in sync. You see, missing someone is not a certain fixed point in time. It is happening everyday. Every single time the radio plays that song we used to listen. Every time there is an apple pie somewhere near me. I miss you more and more as time passes by and you will never know. It's like hearing every goodbye you ever said to me all at once. We collided like stars and exploded together like a predestined supernova. There is always an end in everything and our end was marked at the time of the explosion but for that one instance I felt alive and dead at the same time. Nowadays you are like a shadow on the walls. An echo telling me to reach out to you and make you mine again. A gentle touch on my shoulder, like the wind. A whirlpool pulling me inside your sweet cage of twisted love. After all this time I know that it's a lie. There is no cage, no gentle wind touching just my mind playing games. It makes me sad though. I'm starting to realize that I can't fight my feelings anymore and I don't know how to get past this sadness and darkness surrounding me. If only you could come back, everything would be bright and sunny again. A man has the right to dream right? I'm so lost without you, empty and hollow. I believed in you for so long. I loved you so hard and now I'm all out of love and faith and I can only wish I had a time machine to turn back time. Right my wrongs with you. Prevent you from disappearing from my life. It was me and you against the world. We were burning bridges, winning ward and building worlds. The past is the worse vertigo.
Some say that real love lasts forever but what if love is not always mutual? Do you want this kind of love to be eternal? I don't but I can't help it. Maybe someday I'll erase you from my mind. Maybe I won't even remember your name. The seconds feel like an eternity, the mind comes second when the heart breaks. Love doesn't mean that the sun will always shine, love doesn't mean that everything is gonna be fine. Is love enough when everything goes bad? I think that love can't help you but the more you love the more you believe that it can help you. Is it wrong to believe in a utopia like this or is it right? A utopia is the complete opposite of a dystopia but what if love is these two things combined and only we have the power to change it however we like. Mistakes can be made but are there really any mistakes? I believe that there are no mistakes in love, just acts that you commit because you love someone else. Nothing is forbidden in the minefield of emotions and love. You just do your best and hope everything goes alright but the worse thing is the pain you feel when you do actually try your best and it's not enough. However, you would still stay with your supposedly soulmate, even though he/she is crazy as hell or a pure catastrophe for your whole world. you would still wait for the last piece of your big puzzle outside the door for ever and ever until one day you realize that no one is going to show up and then rain starts soaking your clothes and your heart starts crumbling in thousand little pieces. You start feeling cold and alone. All the feelings you had fade away and negative feelings replace the once sunny field of butterflies inside your stomach. No more rainbows, no more happy memories. You expected a happy ending but happy endings are so rare.... After some time you will revisit these old feelings to find comfort in the words that were left unspoken by both of you even though you know exactly how it is going to end. After years of adoring snow days, the snow melts away and all that it's left is dead soil and two choices for you to make.
Let everything die or rebuild your broken world from scratch.
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