..Life is life

Life will knock you down.. each blow will sure as hell hurt more than the last.. you will fall to the ground and crumble in pain.. you will lay there unable to breathe.. unable to speak.. there will be moments like this when you feel you are unable get back up.. when you feel like you cannot take any more pain.. like you cannot move on.. like you cannot put the pieces back together.. truth is you can't.. the pieces never will fall back into place.. but that's ok.. the pieces don't have to fit perfectly back together.. Life is not a well designed puzzle you get to make up again and again.. Life is messy, inconsistent, unpredictable.. you get to make up a new pattern every time..
You are allowed to grieve, cry, scream, go crazy.. you ate allowed to brake down.. you are allowed to change..no one expects you to stay the same.. you are allowed to go crazy.. for me it's better to do so anyway.. go crazy, go wildly-mental institute-out of your mind-psychopath crazy to prove your point.. make them think you are a fucking basket case if need be.. let them believe it and do not even give a shit.. get it out of your system.. get it all out there.. fall down.. grovel on the ground.. you need to grieve your losses whatever they may be.. only when you have reached rock bottom will you realise it's time to get back up..
The realisation will hit will all it's might.. that life is life.. Life is painful.. nothing comes easy.. all you need to do is the best you can.. once you have done that.. move on.. it's not your loss.. it's theirs.. never cave.. fight with courage and integrity..
Did you do that? Then chin up.. you have nothing to be sorry for.. nothing to regret.. nothing more to cry over.. you have won even when it feels like a mortal loss..
Look back.. take a look at your life so far.. shed a tear or two if you have to.. then turn around.. and walk away..
Listen closely in the silence of the night.. hear that faint thumping sound? That is your heart still beating.. do you you feel the gush of air exit your lungs.. you are still breathing.. you have survived every worst day of your life so far.. so far your doing great..
I know.. I know what you are thinking.. sure I have survived, but what has it cost me? Everything.. it has cost you everything.. you have felt your heart stop from the excruciating pain.. you have seen your soul darken.. you have seen your wounds reopen and bleed with every twist of that knife.. what consolation it to you to still be standing? But you have to look at the bright side of the dark side.. Life has justly given you motivation, new goals, more wisdom..
I'm still standing.. maybe not so high and mighty but I am.. I have lost once again.. but one day.  I will start fighting again.. another piece of me has broken.. has turned to dust.  Or maybe you took it with you when you left.. I am learning to adjust.. my heart is learning to beat without it..
I'll get back up.. I will remember you forever of course.. foe what you gave me, for what you took from me, for what you taught me.. I will never find anyone whose arms I fit in so perfectly and that is something I have come to accept.. but life will go on.. seasons will change.. the pain will numb and subside.. you will live in the back of my mind.. where your memories will keep me warm at nights when my heart freezes again..
Always and forever..
A distant loving memory.. a wonderful stranger whom I once New better than myself..
Ever thine
  Ever mine
    Ever ours my love..
But for now.. Life must go on..