Tuesday 28 March 2017

Muse

No, not the band. Even though they are one of my favorite bands. I'm talking about a real life muse.
Muses originate from Greek mythology if I recall correctly.They were considered the source of knowledge for arts and poetry and all that fluffy and romantic stuff we read today. They were later adopted by the Romans but that's not the point. I always thought that everyone has a muse in their life. You could call that muse a girlfriend, boyfriend, friend or family member. A muse that makes you believe that you can be a better version of yourself. Improve and be the kind of human being you always wanted to be. Pushing you to achieve your wildest dreams and supports you silently all the way, from the bottom, to the top. Some people may relate. They may think of that muse. I thought I had my muse but I was wrong. I found my self in extreme hardships recently and I had lots of time to think about all the things I ever wanted. Most of these things were sad, really sad yet, for some reason the logner I was thinking the happier I felt. Νο, it's not some twisted sense of thought nothing like that. Ι just found out faces of my self that I never knew I had. That stupid phrase everyone was saying to me long ago. ''Enjoy the moment Nick''. I never really understood which moment should I enjoy and cherish? How do I do that? Is there a specific timeline in someone's day where he should enjoy moments and what is the duration of the enjoyment? So many factors...

The day to pay rent came quite fast and I had literally 0 pounds in my account. Recently I found out that I actually had -19.00 pounds but thats a story for another day. The e-mail came in my inbox and obviously it was my landlord. I tried to negotiate to give me some more time but it seems that my law school tricks are not effective anymore. Thus, he told me to get the fuck out of his house and give him the money I owed him as soon as possible. Ι couldn't comprehend the fact that I was getting kicked out so I just replied yes and just packed my stuff. After 2 days, I had to actually leave the property. So I just left without knowing what the fuck I am gonna do, how I am gonna eat or sleep. So.. I took my duvet and my red pillow along with a small suitcase with some clothes and went to Manchester City Centre. I sat down next to another homeless person and just sat there without saying anything. For some reason I was smilling. I was smilling because I knew that the next day my phone would not ring again. I was stress free and my head was extremely empty. Just for that moment, that brief moment there I was extremely happy. I was actually enjoying my basically destroyed life. Hi, said the homeless man. You look pretty good for a homeless person. I got kicked out of my house today, I replied. Do I bother you? I can move. No, he said and gave me a slice of his pizza. I refused of course because I could go another day without eating anything but he couldn't and it was written all over his face.Then a red-haired girl came along with her small sleeping bag. She said hello and we just talked until late at night. It was quite cold that day. I was shivering. A Greek used to the mediteranian climate of his country, all alone in the UK. Pretty cold I'm telling you. Yet, inside me I was calm. I was thinking about everything. What have these people done to deserve this. What have I done to deserve this? Then some memories of the past came again to haunt that mind of mine. I wish I had a girfliend now. I wish my girlfriend was still with me. Even a word would make me feel so much better. Of course, that futile thinking made me realise how alone everyone is. How futile human interactions and relationships are. Words like I love you and I will be there for you have no meaning when you break up for the stupidest reason ever and then you just say I will be there for you, dont forget that just to make the one who stays behind feel a bit better. Who gives a fuck anyway I mumured. Why should I fucking care If I'm alone. Im fine.
The day before I get kicked out, I applied for a job as a waiter. My phone rang the next morning and they were interested. I couldn't be happier. Since the day I got kicked out, life had meaning for some reason. Everything was shining. I stayed in my duvet as I couldn't move my hands quite well because of the cold, with a huge smile on my face. After an hour or 2 I said goodbye to the 2 homeless people, took my duvet and went back to my old house to ask the guys if I could take a shower. They said yes and I started getting ready for my interview. The interview went pretty good and I was working the same day after a 4 hour training. When I finished the training the sun was shining bright. I emphasize the sun because in the UK its an extremely rare phenomenon. I'm not talking about the sun shining. I'm talking about..just sun.The sun itself. I worked 10 hours that day and I was pretty happy. I took my duvet again and went back to the place I slept last night. The next day it was sunny again. I was walking through Manchester Centre and my huge smile from the other night was still there. Maybe I'm not supposed to have a muse, I thought. Maybe I don't need one. No, this is not I'm a special snowflake story. This was something to make me feel good. Something I needed. My kind of God.

No comments:

Post a Comment