Have you ever felt like you're helplessly watching your life pass you by, while you sit there with your hands tied behind your back unable to make a single move. As if someone is purposefully pinning you down. The angry black blotches form on your fair skin, great big bruises all over your body like a fingerprint of your attacker. And then you look closer at the patterns, you place your palm upon them and you realise it's a perfect match. You're your worst enemy. You're suffocating yourself trying to please everyone else.
That constant pressure on your chest is growing forcefully and you're left struggling for breath. Reality is a prison you've built and it's now swallowing you alive. The metal bars look sturdier than before, the small window that used to be a breath of fresh air is slowly being bricked up. The shadows are closing up on you, the darkness growing thicker.
You feel your pocket for the key, you know so well is it there. But you never unlock the door, you twist it around in your hand feeling it's majestic weight. Freedom is only a step away, yet you're rotting in your self made prison.
How long will it take for the explosion. How long before the feelings you keep bottling up get the better of you and you just go boom.
How long before you start appreciating the gift you have been given? You're alive. You're young. You're healthy. You have endless possibilities laying before you. And you just keep trying to convince yourself, just a little bit longer. How much longer?!
Do you ever feel that uncertainty consuming you? Do you ever feel like everything you do is wrong no matter how hard you try to make it right?
Do you ever wonder why it is that you are constantly surrounded by people, everybody looking at you but no one really seeing you? Doesn't anyone see how unhappy you are? Doesn't anyone notice the sorrow in your eyes?
Only a handful of people really do see you. Those people are treasures in your life. The only light in all the darkness.
People don't need to understand us do they? We don't need their permission to do what makes us happy, yet we are constantly searching for approval from those same people we shouldn't really care about.
Stupid isn't it, how we bring ourselves down and then cry for what we lost.
You can't expect things to come to you if you never go after them. Life a constant battle and a constant loss. But you always end up gaining more then you lost. Through every bad thing that has ever happened to you something good has come out. Every time you felt your heart breaking into tiny little pieces, every single time you crumbled to the ground in seething agony made you stronger. It made you smarter, it made you more mature, more capable of dealing with the next difficulty that came your way.
"I raised you a fighter, not a quiter" , my mother always says.
"You land on your feet, you'll be ok."
Again again the same words reverberate in your head. You're strong not unbreakable and you'll keep becoming stronger with every broken piece that cuts into your raw skin.
Now all you have to do is live. Now all I have to do is live.
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