Introduction To (Love) Me Part VI

It is funny how a party or anything spontaneous can change your life. A stranger introducing herself to you. A spark and a chemical reaction in your brain that you definitely can't stop. A symphony of feelings rushing all over your body. I knew better though. This time was gonna be different. This time I was gonna stay calm and instead of falling all over the place, I would remain in control of my feelings.By now you should know that every time I plan something, nothing goes according to plan. Spoiler alert: It goes two ways. I either get heartbroken or I make a mistake so bad that I can't forgive myself and I carry it for the rest of my life. So let's keep the veil of mystery for a moment here and continue. I started getting ready for my not so fancy because I am poor as fuck date with E. The plan was to pick her up, get on the subway, go to the city centre and have some fun. A part of being poor as fuck is that I never had a car. This might seem like a really funny thing but everyone likes a car. It makes thing easier and when you are in a relationship it can actually save it. If you think that not having a car is not of a big deal you are seriously making fun of yourself. Anyone who tells you that not having a car is not a big deal including your boyfriend or girlfriend is lying to you and this comes from someone who never had a car and still walks to go to work.

Anyway, back to  date night. I picked her up and we went to the city centre. The really bad thing with my dates is that I am always hungry because of my extremely fast metabolism. I suggested to grab something to eat with a bit of hesitation in my voice. She accepted the offer extremely fast because she was really hungry too. That's the spirit, I shouted inside me once again. The place I knew was actually a burger place called Hot-Hot. Great burgers and even greater prices for broke people like me. The bad thing is that my sense of direction is pretty bad so I couldn't remember where this place was. I asked some people and they told me how to get there.

-Don't you know where this place is? She asked with a surprised look on her face.

-Well, my sense of direction is quite bad so I cannot find my way. So please don't leave me alone here because I'm gonna get lost. I said while laughing awkwardly.

-There is no need to worry. Leaving you is the last thing I want to do. She told me confidently.

After 10 minutes of walking we arrived at the burger shop. A huge queue and no tables to sit down and eat properly as always. I totally forgot about that so at that point I started panicking. I make a huge mess every time I don't have a plate to eat or somewhere to sit down. However it was already too late as she was ordering. Where the fuck did that line go you ask? I have no idea. So I started accepting my fate. The date would be over when she sees me eating. After a while the burgers were ready. Suddenly someone just stands up and would you look at that, an empty table. Thank you universe! We started eating and I had a fort of napkins in front of me so she couldn't see me eating.

-Oh come on, don't be shy. She said while laughing.

-No. I'm not gonna let you see me. I said with my mouth full.

- Alright, alright I'm not gonna. She replied full of disappointment.

So, I let my guard down and continued eating my burger and then after some minutes she suddenly pulled all the napkins just to see me eating. I trusted her easily. Damn it Nick, I thought to myself. You had it coming.

I stopped eating and I was just looking at her, shocked of what her reaction was gonna be. The 30 seconds that I had to wait was like a microwave minute. Meaning that it was like a fucking year. Then she started laughing like crazy. I swallowed my food really fast that I almost choked and asked her what is so funny.

She pulled out her phone and took a picture of me and then I saw. My mouth was full of sauce.

-What a piggy you are, she said full of sarcasm while still laughing.

I was too embarrassed to say anything and she realised that. So she started eating like me and she made a mess.

-This is quite romantic. I said and my eyes stared at the floor.

-It actually is. I'm having the time of my life. Thank you. She said in an extremely serious voice.

-Are you actually serious? You don't find disgusting that I eat really fast and make a mess? I asked surprised.

-Why have anyone told you that this is disgusting? You just eat fast. She replied with a curious look.

Fun fact of my date life: Someone has told me that and that is why I never wanted her to see me eat. Another fun fact is that I actually eat really fast but I always thought of this as a really bad thing. However, when someone likes you for who you actually are, they don't really care about silly things like how you eat. A lesson that I never knew until then even though it is so simple and obvious.We had some laughs and our bellies were full. We decided to walk through city centre and enjoy the city until it was time to go for a drink.

After walking around sightseeing for 30 minutes we went to a local bar that was kinda shady. With only 2 people inside this place was quite dead. Yes, these 2 people were me and my date. Actually there was a third one. The bartender. I ordered a double whiskey with no ice and she ordered a glass of vodka with red bull. I wanted to suggest to get the hell out of here after the first drink and go somewhere with more people but I could see that she was having a good time so I didn't. Living in a city can be hard sometimes. It is always so busy, everyone is rushing from morning until late at night and the people are in a constant state of flux. Rushing and rushing and rushing. Everyone is like that and that includes me as well. Some people do it by choice because they like the busy city life and others do it because they have no choice. I was always somewhere in between. I can't live without some rush in my life and I also can't stand not having a quiet or calm moment. Yet, I've never seen any of my friends or relatives or literally anyone choosing to go to a really dead place for a drink and actually having a good time. My date was different though. She was also somewhere in between. She understood that there is a time for everything. She was different. A date is supposed to be an event between two people and nothing else and that was the moment I understood that this was exactly what I was looking for. This balance between fast and slow, calm and loud. The drinks kept coming and coming but we were both smart enough not to get extremely drunk.

The date night was a success after all despite the fact that I can't eat properly because of my gluttony. I was really satisfied with what I had next to me and was actually thinking to stay like this for a long time. Who doesn't like a good, loving and intelligent girlfriend after all? Smart is the new sexy they say and I always agreed with this saying. However it seems that I was not that smart after all because I ended up hurting her after a year by breaking up with her.

Introduction To (Love) Me Part V

Ah, parties. I fucking hate parties. I'm no fun at all and I never understood why. Is it maybe because I prefer to drink myself to death in the comfort of my own house or is it because I find socializing with strangers and trying to play it cool a really stupid idea? It's not that I am anti-social. Not anymore at least. Socialising is actually pretty easy. Conversations are bubbles inside bubbles inside bubbles. Example 1: You see a cute girl and engage in conversation asking about how was her day. Bubble 1 is the day. Then more bubbles pop up just from the word ''day''. The weather was great today/ Are you more of an outdoorsy person or do you prefer indoors blah, blah, blah. This has nothing to do with what I actually want to write but I guess it is a good piece of advice for people who have trouble engaging in conversations. Pro tip: Asking a question or two can give you the control of the conversation but don't tell anyone that. Did I tell you how much I hate parties? Fucking parties with their fucking fake fun and fake smiles. I was always the awkward kid who stood in a corner and talked to nobody. Cool kids were the center of attention and they still are. I am still the same kid who stands in the corner with the only difference that I now drink alcohol instead of water. There was a Christmas party that I got invited some years ago. Christmas is my least favorite celebration of all. This combined with a party was the perfect time for me to stay at home and watch a movie while eating my popcorn miserably and extremely fast. My plan was bulletproof and nothing could go wrong or so I thought. My dear friends decided to invite themselves to the party and take me with them. At this point I have to point out that it was an open party which is the worst kind of party. Why you may ask? Open party equals to single people who want to find a girlfriend or a boyfriend. A terrible hurricane of desperation wearing a mask of smiles and laughs while loud music is playing. That's what an open party is. I prepared my self psychologically and I decided to join my dear friends (the ''dear'' is sarcasm by the way).

We grabbed a cab and after half an hour or so we arrived at my friend's house. Loud music and doors don't go together. We spent 30 more minutes while knocking the door because who has a door bell right? My friend invited us in and I, after saying the fastest what's up in my life, went to look for alcohol. It was summer, which is the season I hate the most but the good thing is that I poured me a drink and went to hang out at the balcony. My plan was to stay there silent, drinking and staring at the stars. That was exactly what I was doing for at least an hour when one of my DEAR friends came to introduce me to another friend of his. My back was turned while he shouted for me to turn  around and introduce myself so I didn't actually know what was behind me.

-OH MY FUCKING GOD GEORGE, the hell you want? I said while turning around to see.

Suddenly silence. It was like there wasn't even a party. My mind was clear. Time stopped and the room was completely silent. All that romantic stuff that happens when you meet someone and it's like you knew that person for your entire life.

-Come on Nick, don't be a buzzkiller. This is E. He kindly replied to my tantrum.

-Well you know me, I'm always the buzzkiller of the gang. I said smoothly while staring in her eyes for some reason that I don't know.

-Hello Nick, nice to meet you. She said with a really cute voice.

-Nice to meet you too. I replied and drank the whole glass of whiskey immediately for the first time in my life.

After talking about what we do and what our hobbies are, I decided to stop staring in her eyes like a kid and stop this insanity which is called love.

-I'll see ya around. Gonna pour myself another drink, I said with a slight good bye tone in my voice.

She got the hint and replied the same. Smart girl to be honest, maybe a little bit too smart.

After drinking half the bottle of the whiskey I was monopolizing since the time I arrived, she came again to talk. I tried to avoid her again, saying that I am drunk and I can't really talk. She interrupted my excuses with a sharp: ''Dance with me, it won't kill ya''. Oh damn I thought. She is really into me and I don't know why. I'm like the worst person ever and she can clearly see it. Yet, she is fighting for me even though she met me an hour ago. Is it possible? Is it possible that this girl I have in front of me might be extremely insane?

-I will dance with you, I replied with a smooth voice once again. So we danced and danced until our legs gave out. We sat on the sofa, laughing and talking about a variety a things that I can't even remember.

A part of me was quite happy with the conversation that E was offering. Another part of me wanted this party to end right now so I could escape the feelings. I was thinking how to escape this when she just grabbed me and kissed me on the spot. I won't say that I resisted. I did the exact opposite to be honest. She was a great kisser I have to admit which made her overall score from an A to an A+.  Of course I don't mark people, this is just a representation to show how much I liked her. On the other hand this is what someone who marks people would say. My friends were extremely drunk because they could never actually drink properly so I really had to go at that point and I was actually sad. I tried to stand up and she grabbed my hand firmly.

-I know that you need to go she said. Well god damn girl, I gently screamed inside me. She actually read my whole thought process just by looking at me. The thing is that I could also read her thought process so I immediately said that I was not looking for a relationship as I was not ready at the moment.

-I don't need a relationship either. Let's take it slow and see how it goes, how about that? She said and smiled back to me.

-What exactly are you looking for? I can assure you that you can find someone better than me to waste your time. Trust me, I've spend lots of time with my self. I am a really difficult  person. I said and looked at the floor with a fading smile on my lips.

-Well, I'm looking for everything and also nothing. I'm looking for someone that I can kiss. Something just like this.

For a moment there I was kinda shocked. I thought she was actually telling me that she just wanted a casual fling and all. Then I looked at her face and realised that she was as lonely as me. The same empty eyes I had. The same fake smile I was using when I was socialising with strangers at parties. She was rubbing her hands nervously while waiting for my answer. I was thinking for 15 seconds but I bet that she felt these seconds like days.

''I understand. How about dinner tomorrow? I know a place''. I said with a big smile.

She smiled back at me and nodded her head up and down really fast like a cute baby that was offered ice cream and gave me her number.I tried to wake up my friends and bring them back into reality with no success. So I just picked them up one by one and carried them to the cab thus, ending our party night out.

Too bad I didn't have anyone to share what happened.

The Misadventures of a Waiter Part 2

It was a great day yesterday. I decided to work from 8 in the morning until 2 at night. A decision which I regreted instantly yet, I had to do it. First stop, some bar inside  a restaurant, inside a hotel. A proper Babushka doll kind of a building.Shift was going to be quite easy. It was breakfast so it should be quiet. Some serving here and there and stuff like that. However, it was super busy. I had to serve an entire section by my own which would not be a really big deal if I wasn't new at this. I ended up not serving anyone in my section and instead of that I was carrying the plates to the washroom. Bad thing with people is that sometimes they thing the waiters can do shit like carry 40 plates, 20 cups and 40 pieces of cutlery in a huge tray. Sure thing I said. Not the strongest man in the world, definitely far away from strongest but I could do that. The tray had another plan for me. It broke as I was carrying it and cut my finger. Cool I said, only one plate is broken. Plates break all the time. Right? Nah..I got scolded for breaking a plate and not even a band aid for my finger. Five hours later I had to transfer to Bolton's footbal stadium. Not to see the game of course but to serve people. I walk in the kiosk after meeting my team and they asked if I knew how to serve beer or operate a till. The answer for both questions was obviously, no. My training got canceled so I had no idea. After a fast briefing of how everything works and me stressing the fuck out because this was my first time and a football stadium is an extremely busy place especially in the UK. I went to the till and just stood there for people to come. Despite my expectations this shift was quite nice, mostly because of the people in my team and my memorizing everything in 1 minute for some reason.

Afternoon time. This means really busy time. Transfered from the football stadium to the most hideous restaurant I've ever been. It wasn't dirty. They just had dog races. Like, what the fuck? What's next? Chicken fights under candle light along with the finest wine out there? Couldn't leave though because it was 2 and a half hours away from my house and I had no money for a taxi. I met a girl there. Pretty nice girl. Full of smiles and rainbows. Each time our eyes met she would give me a big smile, I would do the same and run back to work She was handling drinks and I was handling food. That meant more running for me and I've already been working for 9 hours. Funny thing about this reastaurant was that it was quite straight forward. You take the tray put it on a stand and serve easy. Another funny thing is that they decided to do the same thing as the first. Form a huge stack of plates and just give it to us. How do they did that you might ask. They put a plastic container on the plate and then they put another plate on it. Repeat, profit? 8 plates on every fucking tray and the trays were bending like crazy. No fucking shit Sherlock.

 This is an April fools joke right guys? I said while looking at them awkwardly. No they said, this is hell. Welcome aboard. Good thing they have some humor, I thought. Rich people throwing away money to dogs that chase a fake rabbit. What a great day to be alive. Every time I'm serving the greatest hour of my day is when they put out desserts. That means that the restaurant is almost closing and I'm just standing there admiring the cheesecakes and profiterols that every single venue has for some reason. I like those desserts but jesus don't you have anything else to make except cheesecakes? After 7 hours or so everyone was gone and I was just picking up the garbage everyone left on their table. The garbage were mostly composed by betting papers. 2 pounds betting papers. Hundreds of them in each table. These people threw away my student loan in dog racing. Welcome to the brand new lowest point of my life. The shift ended earlier than expected and we were all so happy. Looking forward to go to our houses and get a good night sleep. We stood outside the restaurant as we waited for our pre-booked taxi to take us home. We waited and we waited but nobody came. Would you look at that. The office tottaly forgot our fucking existence and the journey continues. So....Where do you live, I asked. 20 minutes away, she replied. Great, I said while struggling not to shout. New plan, I walk you home and then I'll go back to mine as it is at the opposite direction of yours. Are you sure, she asked. I don't want to make you walk more. A gentleman never leaves a lady alone at night though. We started walking to her home which was obviously more than half an hour away and definitely not 20 minutes but it was fucking great. A politics undergraduate, working a part time job which is obviously more full time than you can imagine. Balancing studies and work is quite a feat and an admirable one indeed. We talked about our favorite books, films and how all our relationships were a complete disaster. Can I marry your pretty eyes now or what? I'm just joking, just joking of course. It's not like I imagined my life with her or did I?

So we arrived at her home where I said goonight and started my own adventure to mine. Bad thing was that it was 2 hours away and with no buses and money my only choice was to walk. Drunk people all over the place and no bus in sight. Maybe there is a night bus somewhere I thought. I asked someone and he showed me the bus stop which was the highlight of my night or that was what I thought. I got on the bus and just observed how beautiful the city is when it's night when somebody shouted and I quote: ''Oh my God, somebody beat up 3 girls and they are on the floor right now bleeding''. The 2nd floor of the bus obviously. Everyone was just ignoring everything and I was like '' yay, human beigns are the fucking best''. The bus is empty and the next stop is where I was supposed to stop. 3 kids come from upstairs to get down and I ask them if there is anyone upstairs. A small red-haired cocky as fuck girl comes on me and she tells me that it is none of my bussiness in a really ''I am fucking underestimating your existence right now''. Oh really? I replied and stood up with my face probably looking like the king of fucking hell as I was really fed up with the day, pretty tired and I was not gonna have it from a fucking 10 year old. So I guess she got scared by my stare and told me that there are people upstairs. Thank you, I said with a psycopathic smile and went upstairs. Side note: I hope she sees nightmares with my stare in them. So, girls bleeding all over the place so I had to help. Why you ask? I don't know. Took them to the closer hospital and that was it. No serious injuries or anything like that. I started my walk to get back eventually and as I was enjoying the city, a guy just looks at a homeless guys cup and just knocks it over with his foot really hard. For no fucking reason, just because he could. Coins all over the place and the poor guy trying to get hold of them. It was like 3 pounds so he could buy a cup of coffee or some food and the fucking guy just decided to ruin that. My legal mind was like: ''Do you understand that you are actually contributing in the death of a person right now''? Yet, I don't need my legal mind to understand what guys like him need to learn how to respect other people. ''Your mother never told you to respect others''? I said in a mild manner and the conversation goes like this.

-What the fuck you want mate? He replied in a not so mild manner.

-To pick that shit up and also tip him at least a pound for what you have done.

- I'm gonna do whatever I want kid. Do you understand?

-Oh I do sir, I do. So I have another proposition for you. You are gonna do as I say or we are gonna do this the hard way. I said feeling all badass and cool.

-And what is the hard way kid? What could you possibly do?

The second part of the above sentece was to show how thin and weak I am. A fact that I had to carry all my life with social interaction and mostly girls.  Funny thing  though is that you don't need to be all muscles to have knowledge of 5 different martial arts. Another funny thing is that everyone has a comfort zone. Example A: If you are an NBA fan you can see the referee when someone is complaining about a decision backing up while turning his back to the player and then suddenly going into his face. The player seems shocked, confused and not knowing what to do. This is a psychology trick to deal with angry people. So what I did was...

I just slapped the fuck out of him. I slapped him so hard that the wound on my finger opened up. So he tipped the homeless guy 5 pounds and everyone was happy. I got to slap someone, the homeless guy got 5 pounds and he did a good deed. In adittion the homeless guy's smile was all I needed for my night to be good. Win-Win-Win scenario. After 3 hours I was finally home. By now you might thing that this is a really good April fools story but it isn't. Not only because it is writen on the 2nd of April but because all of this for some reason are real incidents. Hard to believe for me too.

Moral of the story: Don't be a dick and be good to people around you. Maybe the universe will be good to you too.

The Misadventures of a Waiter

A new day, lots of productive stuff to do today, I thought to my self. I'll have my wine training, my bar training, my barista training. So much training today yay. Have to walk for an hour but it is alright. Before this day ends I will be able to take on more shifts in different venues and be a better waiter/bartender/barista/glass polisher. I wakl in the office and search for my training supervisor as I was eager to get it over with and learn all the new things. Have a sit they said, it will be fun they said. After a minute or so a guy calls for me and I go in another room. Sorry but we had to cancel the training Nick, we forgot to inform you. It is alright I said. This is fine. *DO YOU FORGET TO EAT OR GO TO THE BATHROOM?*  My mind was shouting and I was slowly smiling to suffocate it. I'll see you tomorrow then. Have a nice day. I went to the shift manager and asked if I could work tomorrow. You know why? Because somebody told me to clear my schedule for today. You know for what? Fucking training. I lost a whole day and lots of money because somebody forgot to inform me. Forgot to pick up the phone and text me 3 freaking words such as..Training canceled. Oh snap, wait. 2 words. 2 fucking words.

But of course, I could not let this small incident to destroy my perfectly positive week full of happiness and laughs. So I thought, you know what, I'm gonna work the whole day tomorrow so I can make up for today. Then I proceeded to book 3 shifts from 7 in the morning on the 1st of April until 4 in the morning on the 2nd of April. 21 fucking long hours of work. So in my first shift I will be stuck behind the bar polishing and cleaning glasses half the day. At least I'm gonna look charming while doing it.  Good thing I'm pretty fast in cleaning stuff so thats nice. The second shift obviously is an hour away in Bolton.

 The only difference is that they wanted me to wear a white shirt instead of my usuall everything black outfit. So I also had to buy a white shirt today. Being extremely tall and quite skinny shopping is a pain in the ass. I try medium sized shirt and the sleeves are really short but it fits my body perfectly. I try a larger one and the opposite happens. An eternal dillema of do I want to look like a rapper on his way to a rap battle or do I want to look like my mother bought me the wrong shirt? Then the savior appeared. She saw that I was a damsel in distress and she fucking came to my rescue. The damsel is obviously a metaphor by the way. What size do you wear, she asked. Um, medium? I guess? My Europian mind was naive ( insert Brexit joke here).  No you dummy, she replied while rolling her eyes because of my stupidity and ignorance. She grabbed  a measuring tape and started measuring my neck. You are a 14.5 she said. I was like no Miss, I am 1,93. I'm tall. Inches you dummy! Inches. Go grab that shirt fast, she ordered. So I grabbed that shirt and tried it. It was actually a pefect fit. I was so happy. I came out and she was like. I knew it. This shirt looks great on you.

Oh, stop it you. With your compliments and all. I thanked the lady and went to pay. After paying and getting lost in Primark because my orientation and direction sense is non existent I found the exit. I rolled a cigarette and started walking home. That was the plan at least until I remembered that I wanted some coffee. I stepped inside Aldi and started my search for bliss. Get it? Because coffee is bliss? I bought some bread, tomatoes, a small pizza and went to pay. After paying and walking 20 minutes I remembered something. I forgot to buy the coffee. Despite the fact that I have no sense of direction, my memory also sucks, like a lot.

No coffee for Nick today, I was too lazy to go back and too stingy to actually buy coffee from the local coffee shop. I arrived home and run to bake the pizza I had because I was hungry as hell. I opened my laptop and logged in my netflix account. After 20 minutes or so I remembered again that I had a pizza in the oven. I look at the back of the box and I see a dreadfull message. ''Recomemended bake time: 10 minutes".

I knew. I knew that my life was going towards a new low point where I was gonna eat my burnt pizza and punish my self for the forgetful human being I am. I open the oven and for some reason my pizza was intact and to be honest absolutely perfectly baked. Fuck yes I said and  rolled the Iron Fist episode I wanted to see. 

I sipped my beer and enjoyed my self, knowing that there are only 10 days left until I get payed. I also have this new masterplan to wrok 16 hours per day and have 2 days offs in between these days for a whopping total of 1 thousand pounds which is fucking awesome and lifechanging. I could buy so many fizzy haribos and so many big macs. OH GOD. Another funny thing I realized today is that I have been listening to the radio a lot these past few days. I came to the realization that I started to like pop music. I have mixed feelings about that. As a rock type of person I  never liked this thrasy music. No offense. Yet, I'm gonna end the adventure with the song that is stuck in my head since morning.

So cheers to another new tomorrow and less canceled trainings!

The Not So Exciting Adventures of a Waiter

A new day, a new shift. Couldn't sleep last night. Seems my old habits are returning. I stayed awake since 4 in the morning after an intense fight with a relic of  the past. No reason for the fight to be honest. I'm tired she said. Tired of talking about the same and the same over and over again. Funny thing is that this time I was not the one to start the specific conversation that she was so tired with. I cared about her, I thought that she was a mature person able to understand things that are deeper than her hollow fucked up ego. I was wrong obviously. Nothing wrong with being shallow. Everybody is nowadays, its hip. She is not gonna get tired anymore. I wont be there. Back to the shift. Manchester Metropolitan University. Damn I thought. I could be studying here if I wasn't so fucking dumb. Underestimating my self as always I went and applied to the lowest ranking universities I could find just in case I couldn't make it. I wish I knew better. Serving people at MMU was fun though. Excluding some students who thought it was a good idea to mix peper, salt, water,soda and mashed potatos in a plate just to make my work harder. It took me 4 minutes and a lot of wrist strength to scap away the goo from the plate.  I was walking up and down the cafeteria court, looking for plates or someone to serve and stuff like that. I was curious why some girls were looking at me. Do you need anything? I said. No, nothing at all she replied moving her head left and right in an awkward way. A broken heart is a funny thing. Hundreds of students passing by, all these girls yet I wasn't even interested to even look at them in any other way than to see if they needed food. Neutral, unaligned, like Switzerland but better. Speaking of Switzerland, Swiss chocolates rock. I wish I had some chocolate I thought while strolling around with my black tie and black shirt. Time passes really fast when you work, then the manager came nd told me to go to smoke or something. I don't need a break I said. You are entitled to take a break after 4 hours, he told me. I thought entitled was a word with a positive meaning. Until today of course. I thought it meant something like, you have the right to. So I went out to smoke. After five minutes or so I returned to continue working. Go take a break Nick, he said with a grumpy face. I was like..What the fuck I just did dude. You have to take a 30 minute break, we are gonna deduct it from your pay rate anyway. 

I'll be on my way then. Off I go for more cigaretes. My feet still hurt from the cuts so I didn't put much of a fight. But Niiiick, you might say. Why would you put up a fight for a break you OBVIOUSLY deserve? Well I do not know. I really don't. I don't know why I love this shitty job so much but I do and I don't like breaks despite the fact that I am a filthy nicotine and caffeine addict.

After some more plate scrapping and socializing with students I stumbled upon that kind of person who tries to impress girls as desperate as he can. A coin bounces on my leg and I'm like no..not again. Please no breads and cheesecakes. He was trying to ''make the coin disappear'' by actually flipping it into his long sleeved shirt. This is like the most basic magic trick ever. It's so basic you don't even call it a magic trick. I tried to tease him saying that this is a really bad magic trick then he challenged me to do the same if I could. I bet you suck he shouted with an obnoxious look. I took a deep breath and exhaled.

 I took the coin and I just flicked it. Everyone was amazed by my extreme Copperfield mastery of the dark arts.I'm John Constantine bitches, master of the dark coin flinging and trickery. I left the coin on the table and continued my job as a humble waiter because I didn't want to give away my secret identity of course. A hero never shows off. It's a comic book rule. All I wanted was to live a relaxed and calm life as a waiter but the coin flipping trouble always finds me wherever I go and other dramatic stuff like this. 

The end of my shift was coming steadily but slowly. I was kinda sad to be honest. Working makes my mind to forget about things. I checked out, rolled a cigarette and back on the road again. I had to walk 50 minutes to get back to the not so permanent house of mine. I open the doors with borrowed keys from another housemate and would you look at that. I locked my self out of the room. The morning I left for work I shut the door behind me like the stupid person I am before I drink a cup of coffee. I didn't have my keys anymore so that meant that I had to wait 2 hours for the locksmith to come and open the room door. I got a chocolate though, which was kinda nice. It wasn't Swiss but I enjoyed it anyway. Yet, the random thoughts in my mind were quite persistent. Questions presenting themselves one after another. I was never tired. Why is she?  Stupid relationships and their interactions. Huge egos trying to control each other for the throne. Why is there a huge ego in the first place? Ego has no place in a relationship yet it exists. Maybe people should think more before they enter a relationship and invest their feelings to someone. Instead of saying I'm ready they should say, my ego is ready to be flattened for you, I thought while bitting my chocolate. I wish I had a bottle of any alcohol or an ice cream. Random thoughts, random thoughts everywhere. So  I decided to use my perfect cooking skills and make some sick past with onion bacon and mushroom sauce. Aaaaaaaaand that was the end of a not so crazy shift and not so interesting day I guess.

Who knows, maybe tomorrow will bring something exciting and new.

Muse Part II

After a day or two and 10 more hours of working, I had a call from one of the guys from the house I got kicked out. Come home so you can sleep properly, nobody is gonna say anything anyway. I was extremely curious why the universe was so good to me. I decided to not really think about it and once again ''Enjoy the moment''. At last I had some warmth and a bed to sleep. I know it wasn't a long time but for someone who was never homeless, being able to sleep properly was just fucking great. Once again, I slept quite nice. I say that because usually I really can't sleep. My mind works overtime for no reason and I just think and think and think. I also had wi-fi which was cool.

More and more shifts came on my way and I was really gratefull for the support I had from the guys in the house. Now you gonna say: But Nick, aren't they your muse? Well you could say that but I always imagined a muse as something more longterm and lets be honest here. This is short-term. I wasn't gonna live in this house rent free for more than 2 weeks. Despite that, I was extremely gratefull. At some point I was working from 3pm to 5am. Crazy, just crazy. I loved it. Stupid clients throwing bread at me while I was serving another table, cheesecakes all over the place, lost phones and wallets in the aftermath. I- L-O-V-E-D I-T.

A girl asked if I was enjoying my self being a waiter and all and when I replied yes she was like..''Nah, you don't''. 'Yes I fucking am you spoiled brat'', I wanted to say. Yet, I had to smile like a charming homeless gentleman I am and say Of course, I love my job. Which is actually true.We had a 30 minute break at some point and they said that we could eat food. FOOD! Like, you know fucking food and stuff. So I took and plate and I was like

I ate so fucking much that made me question my humanity. Am i a fucking sin? Am I gluttony in the flesh? ''Enjoy the moment'', my subconcious mind shouted so I just kept eating. Then I actually had a diet soda because that's all they had in the bar. The shift ended and my feet hurt more than Johny Cash's song.  Yes..the Hurt one. Duh. However, I was feeling that the night was still young even though it was not night because it was 5am. So I just went back at the house to get some sleep despite the fact I was so excited.

I took a shower and would you look at that. My feet are bleeding. Seemed like the whole work everyday, party never thing was taking a toll. It hurt when I walked so that was the point I decided to take a 2 day break from work, not because I didn't want to work but for the exact opposite. I neded money and to achieve that I really had to work. So I had to balance work and healing my feet. I went slowly to bed while shouting ouch in each step I took and slept. I woke up the next day with the sun shining bright in my face again as my room never had blinds. Moral of the story: Get blinds.

Just kidding. The whole work thing made me forget all the bad things. Enjoying the moment actually made me enjoy my whole life. With all the bad and the good including. Mostly bad but who cares. I found out that words are quite cheap. Maybe I am wrong. I wish I am actually. However, thats my opinion on this matter. All I could hear was, I'll be there for you, If you want to talk to me just message me. Like...What the actual fuck? People should record themselves when they say things like that. Just to replay them again at some point and see how idiotic and pretentious they seem. What should I talk about to someone who I broke up with? Like, ''hi there I just wanted to message you because I feel lonely. I wish we never broke up and I want you here by my side. Ok, have a nice day now love". I don't know if I should laugh or cry when people say things like that. Make your own muse. Be independent. Stop overthinking and giving a damn about people who will say I'll be there for you yet they abandon you. Enjoy every moment, every single one of them. Smile more. Even when something bad happens. Just-smile. We have no power over some things. No control, no button to make it work, reset or rewind. There is no time manipulation superpowers to fix our mistakes. So, enjoy every moment and hope for a brighter tomorrow. Hope the sun will still be there radiating in your face, waking you up with its gentle heat.

Moral of the story: Enjoy everything, smile and everything is gonna be fine.

Muse

No, not the band. Even though they are one of my favorite bands. I'm talking about a real life muse.

Muses originate from Greek mythology if I recall correctly.They were considered the source of knowledge for arts and poetry and all that fluffy and romantic stuff we read today. They were later adopted by the Romans but that's not the point. I always thought that everyone has a muse in their life. You could call that muse a girlfriend, boyfriend, friend or family member. A muse that makes you believe that you can be a better version of yourself. Improve and be the kind of human being you always wanted to be. Pushing you to achieve your wildest dreams and supports you silently all the way, from the bottom, to the top. Some people may relate. They may think of that muse. I thought I had my muse but I was wrong. I found my self in extreme hardships recently and I had lots of time to think about all the things I ever wanted. Most of these things were sad, really sad yet, for some reason the logner I was thinking the happier I felt. Νο, it's not some twisted sense of thought nothing like that. Ι just found out faces of my self that I never knew I had. That stupid phrase everyone was saying to me long ago. ''Enjoy the moment Nick''. I never really understood which moment should I enjoy and cherish? How do I do that? Is there a specific timeline in someone's day where he should enjoy moments and what is the duration of the enjoyment? So many factors...

The day to pay rent came quite fast and I had literally 0 pounds in my account. Recently I found out that I actually had -19.00 pounds but thats a story for another day. The e-mail came in my inbox and obviously it was my landlord. I tried to negotiate to give me some more time but it seems that my law school tricks are not effective anymore. Thus, he told me to get the fuck out of his house and give him the money I owed him as soon as possible. Ι couldn't comprehend the fact that I was getting kicked out so I just replied yes and just packed my stuff. After 2 days, I had to actually leave the property. So I just left without knowing what the fuck I am gonna do, how I am gonna eat or sleep. So.. I took my duvet and my red pillow along with a small suitcase with some clothes and went to Manchester City Centre. I sat down next to another homeless person and just sat there without saying anything. For some reason I was smilling. I was smilling because I knew that the next day my phone would not ring again. I was stress free and my head was extremely empty. Just for that moment, that brief moment there I was extremely happy. I was actually enjoying my basically destroyed life. Hi, said the homeless man. You look pretty good for a homeless person. I got kicked out of my house today, I replied. Do I bother you? I can move. No, he said and gave me a slice of his pizza. I refused of course because I could go another day without eating anything but he couldn't and it was written all over his face.Then a red-haired girl came along with her small sleeping bag. She said hello and we just talked until late at night. It was quite cold that day. I was shivering. A Greek used to the mediteranian climate of his country, all alone in the UK. Pretty cold I'm telling you. Yet, inside me I was calm. I was thinking about everything. What have these people done to deserve this. What have I done to deserve this? Then some memories of the past came again to haunt that mind of mine. I wish I had a girfliend now. I wish my girlfriend was still with me. Even a word would make me feel so much better. Of course, that futile thinking made me realise how alone everyone is. How futile human interactions and relationships are. Words like I love you and I will be there for you have no meaning when you break up for the stupidest reason ever and then you just say I will be there for you, dont forget that just to make the one who stays behind feel a bit better. Who gives a fuck anyway I mumured. Why should I fucking care If I'm alone. Im fine.

The day before I get kicked out, I applied for a job as a waiter. My phone rang the next morning and they were interested. I couldn't be happier. Since the day I got kicked out, life had meaning for some reason. Everything was shining. I stayed in my duvet as I couldn't move my hands quite well because of the cold, with a huge smile on my face. After an hour or 2 I said goodbye to the 2 homeless people, took my duvet and went back to my old house to ask the guys if I could take a shower. They said yes and I started getting ready for my interview. The interview went pretty good and I was working the same day after a 4 hour training. When I finished the training the sun was shining bright. I emphasize the sun because in the UK its an extremely rare phenomenon. I'm not talking about the sun shining. I'm talking about..just sun.The sun itself. I worked 10 hours that day and I was pretty happy. I took my duvet again and went back to the place I slept last night. The next day it was sunny again. I was walking through Manchester Centre and my huge smile from the other night was still there. Maybe I'm not supposed to have a muse, I thought. Maybe I don't need one. No, this is not I'm a special snowflake story. This was something to make me feel good. Something I needed. My kind of God.