Ah, parties. I fucking hate parties. I'm no fun at all and I never understood why. Is it maybe because I prefer to drink myself to death in the comfort of my own house or is it because I find socializing with strangers and trying to play it cool a really stupid idea? It's not that I am anti-social. Not anymore at least. Socialising is actually pretty easy. Conversations are bubbles inside bubbles inside bubbles. Example 1: You see a cute girl and engage in conversation asking about how was her day. Bubble 1 is the day. Then more bubbles pop up just from the word ''day''. The weather was great today/ Are you more of an outdoorsy person or do you prefer indoors blah, blah, blah. This has nothing to do with what I actually want to write but I guess it is a good piece of advice for people who have trouble engaging in conversations. Pro tip: Asking a question or two can give you the control of the conversation but don't tell anyone that. Did I tell you how much I hate parties? Fucking parties with their fucking fake fun and fake smiles. I was always the awkward kid who stood in a corner and talked to nobody. Cool kids were the center of attention and they still are. I am still the same kid who stands in the corner with the only difference that I now drink alcohol instead of water. There was a Christmas party that I got invited some years ago. Christmas is my least favorite celebration of all. This combined with a party was the perfect time for me to stay at home and watch a movie while eating my popcorn miserably and extremely fast. My plan was bulletproof and nothing could go wrong or so I thought. My dear friends decided to invite themselves to the party and take me with them. At this point I have to point out that it was an open party which is the worst kind of party. Why you may ask? Open party equals to single people who want to find a girlfriend or a boyfriend. A terrible hurricane of desperation wearing a mask of smiles and laughs while loud music is playing. That's what an open party is. I prepared my self psychologically and I decided to join my dear friends (the ''dear'' is sarcasm by the way).
We grabbed a cab and after half an hour or so we arrived at my friend's house. Loud music and doors don't go together. We spent 30 more minutes while knocking the door because who has a door bell right? My friend invited us in and I, after saying the fastest what's up in my life, went to look for alcohol. It was summer, which is the season I hate the most but the good thing is that I poured me a drink and went to hang out at the balcony. My plan was to stay there silent, drinking and staring at the stars. That was exactly what I was doing for at least an hour when one of my DEAR friends came to introduce me to another friend of his. My back was turned while he shouted for me to turn around and introduce myself so I didn't actually know what was behind me.
-OH MY FUCKING GOD GEORGE, the hell you want? I said while turning around to see.
Suddenly silence. It was like there wasn't even a party. My mind was clear. Time stopped and the room was completely silent. All that romantic stuff that happens when you meet someone and it's like you knew that person for your entire life.
-Come on Nick, don't be a buzzkiller. This is E. He kindly replied to my tantrum.
-Well you know me, I'm always the buzzkiller of the gang. I said smoothly while staring in her eyes for some reason that I don't know.
-Hello Nick, nice to meet you. She said with a really cute voice.
-Nice to meet you too. I replied and drank the whole glass of whiskey immediately for the first time in my life.
After talking about what we do and what our hobbies are, I decided to stop staring in her eyes like a kid and stop this insanity which is called love.
-I'll see ya around. Gonna pour myself another drink, I said with a slight good bye tone in my voice.
She got the hint and replied the same. Smart girl to be honest, maybe a little bit too smart.
After drinking half the bottle of the whiskey I was monopolizing since the time I arrived, she came again to talk. I tried to avoid her again, saying that I am drunk and I can't really talk. She interrupted my excuses with a sharp: ''Dance with me, it won't kill ya''. Oh damn I thought. She is really into me and I don't know why. I'm like the worst person ever and she can clearly see it. Yet, she is fighting for me even though she met me an hour ago. Is it possible? Is it possible that this girl I have in front of me might be extremely insane?
-I will dance with you, I replied with a smooth voice once again. So we danced and danced until our legs gave out. We sat on the sofa, laughing and talking about a variety a things that I can't even remember.
A part of me was quite happy with the conversation that E was offering. Another part of me wanted this party to end right now so I could escape the feelings. I was thinking how to escape this when she just grabbed me and kissed me on the spot. I won't say that I resisted. I did the exact opposite to be honest. She was a great kisser I have to admit which made her overall score from an A to an A+. Of course I don't mark people, this is just a representation to show how much I liked her. On the other hand this is what someone who marks people would say. My friends were extremely drunk because they could never actually drink properly so I really had to go at that point and I was actually sad. I tried to stand up and she grabbed my hand firmly.
-I know that you need to go she said. Well god damn girl, I gently screamed inside me. She actually read my whole thought process just by looking at me. The thing is that I could also read her thought process so I immediately said that I was not looking for a relationship as I was not ready at the moment.
-I don't need a relationship either. Let's take it slow and see how it goes, how about that? She said and smiled back to me.
-What exactly are you looking for? I can assure you that you can find someone better than me to waste your time. Trust me, I've spend lots of time with my self. I am a really difficult person. I said and looked at the floor with a fading smile on my lips.
-Well, I'm looking for everything and also nothing. I'm looking for someone that I can kiss. Something just like this.
For a moment there I was kinda shocked. I thought she was actually telling me that she just wanted a casual fling and all. Then I looked at her face and realised that she was as lonely as me. The same empty eyes I had. The same fake smile I was using when I was socialising with strangers at parties. She was rubbing her hands nervously while waiting for my answer. I was thinking for 15 seconds but I bet that she felt these seconds like days.
''I understand. How about dinner tomorrow? I know a place''. I said with a big smile.
She smiled back at me and nodded her head up and down really fast like a cute baby that was offered ice cream and gave me her number.I tried to wake up my friends and bring them back into reality with no success. So I just picked them up one by one and carried them to the cab thus, ending our party night out.
Too bad I didn't have anyone to share what happened.
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