Happiness

Quite a large concept in my opinion. Overrated. This is happiness. Everyone is chasing after it and I don't blame them. It's intriguing and interesting. Only a small percentage of people have it and everyone else wants it. I'm talking about money of course. Money is the supposed source of happiness. On the other hand it can be the source of all evil. This story is not about money though. It is about true happiness. The concept of happiness is not a stable one. Everyone sees happiness as they like. For some it might be money, for others it might be love or a place to call home. It also may be drugs or alcohol or anything that makes you forget about your troubles. If you ask me what happiness is I would not be able to answer. For me happiness is something stable. Somewhere I can feel safe. Something I can trust. Maybe it's love, maybe it's  family. I don't know yet but I hope I will find out as time passes by.

After being homeless for a while and kinda losing everything I had including my dignity, I started seeing happiness as a glass of water. You have to be grateful, for the glass is half full. If you have to see the glass as half empty you just question yourself. Can I accept that my glass is half empty? Am I affected by this state?

If the answers are yes and no then you are happy.  Ι never had a good relationship with my father. The road was quite bumpy and every time I tried to talk to him he would always push me away. At some point I gave up, after being beaten up very badly as a child and being treated like shit as an adult. I once told him that I would prefer to live in a box without him than in the same house as him. When I got kicked out of my room and actually lived in the street (box not included) I felt happy. I was stress free even though I was homeless without a job and sleeping on the ground. Then the universe helped me and I found a job and I was back to my old ways.  I started planning on how to organise my life again. Have a job, a room, somewhere to sleep and be safe from cold and stuff. You know, the basic needs of a human. Ι have an interview in 2 days for a new job in leeds and I am 99% that I am gonna be successful. Thus, I will be able to move in Leeds and be with my friend. Ι told the girl I like that I actually like her and things seem good. I actually might have a chance. Even if I don't I am still happy. Rejection is the part of the glass which is half empty. Can I live with rejection? Yes. Will I be sad? Yes. Is this going to affect me? Maybe, probably, definitely yes. Still. I will know that I have tried my best. Not every relationship have to end good. If she doesn't like me there is nothing I can do. I will be happy that I was given a chance to try.

They say that money can't buy happiness. I wish I had enough money to buy a huge house, buy lots of dogs and take care of them and invite all my friends and my family to stay there. I think that the whole money concept is kinda misunderstood. Maybe it's the movies that portrait rich people all alone with just money. I think it's a bad representation of how money can actually change the life of someone. I'm not talking about a huge amount of money like a million pounds. I'm talking about 3 thousand or 4 or 5. This amount would be enough to change my life. I could buy tickets for my friends so I can see them. I could buy tickets for my family. I could actually rent a really nice house so I can live in peace. I could buy her a ticket so I can ask her on a proper date and even if I got rejected I would make sure she has a good time in the UK. That's happiness for me. To make other people happy. Maybe this is also the reason I really like my job as a waiter. I could actually go for a night out after 2 years being in England. For a fucking drink. On the other hand, knowing me I would prefer to buy cheap booze and stay in and drink while watching my favorite series or something like that. Happiness is a Frank Sinatra song. Like I've got the world on a string. What a world, what a life, I'm in love. That's happiness. Loving everything around you. Rain, snow, sun and darkness. The bitterness and the sweet stuff.

So what exactly is happiness? I would never be able to tell. I still haven't figured it out completely. If I had to guess I would say that happiness is a puzzle you have to complete along with someone else. This is just my opinion though.

Also I've got a riddle for ya. A diamond plate, a glowing plate, a place you never leave. What am I?